I’ve come to the realization, from research and reflection that I let my libido slip away without questioning it, disconnecting myself from that aspect of my body. Female libido is quite taboo to talk about, even among friends.
We don’t discuss what we enjoy, what we don’t, our orgasms or lack thereof, and heaven forbid we mention the word masturbation.
We think it’s just something we’re supposed to know about, but not talk about.
And we do this all subconsciously. Or at least I did. None of this even crossed my mind until I started looking into the connection of hormonal birth control and libido. But it was then that I was like, girl you have a lot of work to do on yourself.
So, today I’m going to share three books I’ve been working my way through and a website that every women should spend some time with.
+ Pussy — The book that started all of this. It opened to my eyes to the issue at hand in my personal life, but also broadened my horizons to the fact that there are plenty of resources out there for education, and enlightenment.
+ Extended Massive Orgasm — An overwhelming, somewhat cringeworthy title when you first say it out loud, but I think it’s a staple read for those exploring their sensuality. And depending on your level of comfort with this topic I suggest keeping this book for an at home read (unless of course you’d like to have a conversation starter on hand).
+ She Comes First — This one I worked my way through in a matter of days. I found myself laughing, with happiness, at the information I was learning. Mostly how much more involved the clitoris is in the female anatomy then I ever knew before.
+ Come As You Are — I’m still working my way through this one, but it’s worth sharing. It’s a book based on cutting edge research which shines a light on to female sensuality/sexuality, and what factors play a role into it.
+ OMGyes — This is one of my favorite discoveries. It’s one thing to read about it, but entirely another thing to here real women discuss masturbation, orgasms and what gives them pleasure. I have heard about this site before but never felt compelled to check it out. The other day though I saw Emma Watson talking about it in my newsfeed, which led me to type it into my search bar. (Ah, the power of marketing). It is such a refreshing discussion, and done in such an amazing way. It doesn’t feel pornographic at all.
I think that something else that comes along with education is discovery. And while yes this means putting it to practice (I promise it’s a lot more fun than you think at first), this also means sitting with your thoughts, feelings and preconceived notions about your sexuality, sensuality and libido. It’s not always fun to dig into the past, but it helps to pull out a journal, and word vomit your thoughts.
Ask yourself questions like:
+ What was your first sensual/sexual experience? Was it solo or with a partner? Was it wanted, or done because you felt pressured?
+ How was female masturbation viewed and talked about around you growing up? Did anyone even talk about it?
+ When you first started partaking in sexual activities with a partner, how did you approach it? Did you hand over the reins, or did you direct because you knew what you liked?
+ How did your view of your own body effect how you approached and enjoyed sexual encounters? Did you worry about what your vagina looked like, your pubic hair, how your stomach looked in certain positions?
+ What was your first orgasm like? What do you remember about this experience?
+ When did you start to find your confidence in your sexuality?
+ Did you ever notice your libido disappear? What do you think caused this? What did you do, if anything, to get it back?
+ Where is your relationship with all of this at today?
I could go on and on with questions. Just start writing without any goal in mind. I just want you to get as much of it as possible out of your head and onto paper. You’ll be surprised with what bubbles to the surface.
[If you want to connect to your body in another way, you could look into learning how to chart your menstrual cycle. I offer an easy, insightful course for newbies, as well as one to help those of you struggling with making that leap to get off hormonal birth control. — Affiliate links included in this article.]