I have gotten several messages, emails, comments, you name it from beautiful people out there who have either:
a. Gone through something similar and want to share their support or advice
b. Those who are currently in the grasps of anxiety and fear of something happening and are looking for some words of comfort.
So, today I wanted to sit down and let my thoughts about the whole thing hopefully flow from my memory, into this document and onto my blog.
I found so much comfort in just reading or listening to others’ experiences when I was in the midst of it myself so I want to do my part in passing that good deed on.
I knew that going into a second pregnancy after my miscarriage wouldn’t be a “everything is sunshine rainbows” experience. I knew that mixed in with the excitement would be fear.
Fear that it would all go wrong again. Because there are countless couples that experience back to back loss, or multiple losses between successful pregnancies.
I think the first thing that helped was realizing that I wasn’t alone. I knew people in my life that had experienced the same thing or something similar. And knew that there were so many incredibly loving and deserving people in the world that had difficulties getting pregnant.
One in eight couples will struggle with infertility. That is a heartbreakingly high number. But chances are even if they haven’t talked about it someone close to you in your life falls into that 1 in 8.
If it’s something that you know or think will help you then you can check out some online forums of other gals in the same situation as you, now or in the past. But you also need to be careful of these too because if you’re reading endless stories of loss after loss that’s not going to help you mental well-being. So find a healthy balance.
The next thing that helps is to have your support person to talk to. This could be several people or just one. Is it your partner, your mom, your sister or best friend? It helps to have someone you to know to calm your nerves when you’re worked up and can’t get out of your head. Someone to say “Everything is going to be alright.” even when you can’t know that for sure.
Next, find an outlet. I don’t know about you but when I felt like I was leaning too heavily on a loved one I felt guilty (even though I shouldn’t have, and I knew they didn’t mind). But I needed more than just conversation with others. I needed a safe place to just let it all out, no filter necessary.
And I found that in journaling. For me this was a written journal, but for you it could be a video diary, art, a document on your laptop or phone, whatever works best for you.
This was a space where I could just brain barf everything that was on my mind, no matter how ridiculous or minuscule it felt. It was so unbelievably cathartic to have a place to just get it all out. Out of my mind and somewhere else. It gave me permission to talk about it as many times as I wanted, in as much depth as I wanted. Without feeling like I had to find the right words to explain what I was feeling, but to just get it out of my head.
An important thing to have through all of this is a health care provider you trust and feel comfortable with. My clinic constantly told me to call if I ever had any questions or concerns. I called in right after I found out I was pregnant to get blood tests, they booked me in for an early scan and each time I went in answered my questions and fears.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If this is a therapist, get one. If it’s asking a friend to meet you for diner, do it.
I can’t recall if I did this, but when things feel like they’re getting out of hand I always return to meditation. Not only do I feel at ease after doing it, but the methods and lessons I learn from it help me throughout my days.
And know that the anxiety will pass. It’s going to get better. You’re going to settle into your pregnancy little by little. That underlying question of fear might remain. It may creep to the surface every now and then. But finding ways to handle that when it does bubble up will be invaluable to you in the long run.
And before you know it you will join the rest of the ranks of pregnant women, experiencing the joys of the life growing inside of you, but also all the fun little aches and pains.
The most important message from todays post, what I hope you take away from it is the importance in finding ways in which to deal with the anxiety. What are your methods in overcoming that voice in the back of your head?
And of course you’re not alone. You’ll never be alone in this.
What have you found to help ease your anxiety? Even if it’s not related to pregnancy or loss? Share that below.