Ahh, social media. What a great way to connect with others and discover new things. But unfortunately it often ends up being a platform to judge ourselves from.

I have caught myself plenty of times feeling jealous of other’s accomplishments. But I always catch these feelings straight away, and force myself to step back and realize that I am actually happy for that person.

First you have to realize that you have no idea how much effort and work went into their accomplishment. And just because someone has had a very successful registration or a huge uptick in followers doesn’t mean that you are negatively effected by that or that it means you’re failing.

This comparison game goes way way way back, further than I care to dig. Think back to sports and GPA’s in high school, internships in college, promotions, magazine articles, whatever it may be as adults.

I’m here to tell you to do you. You are your own person, on your own journey. And we all know we should not be comparing ourselves to what we see on other’s Facebook or Instagram. Because that’s not the full picture. Even if they tell you the good news to your face, you don’t know the background story.

I remember going out to eat with my girlfriends last year, and listening to two of them talk about preparing for yearly reviews and prepping to ask for raises. And I’m over there hitting my hummus, thinking to myself, “Ugh they’re so much further along in this whole adult thing that I am. What am I doing?” And I found myself comparing where I was at with my work life to where they were in theirs.

And you can’t do that. It’s comparing apples to oranges my friend. When I thought about it further later on I realized, “Hey girl, you don’t even want to be a part of that world, where you have to worry about yearly reviews and asking for a promotion or a raise.”

I made a very clear decision after college to not venture down that path. So, why am I sitting over here comparing myself to it?

We have to realize that we’re all just creating our empires in our own, unique way. Even those in the same field of work as you don’t always have the same desires in life that you do.

Look to others for motivation and inspiration. But only compare yourself to where you have been. It’s the only way to do it.

Dig out that old journal from two years ago, and I guarantee you’ll get a little self-esteem boost. Because sometimes we forget how far we’ve come, and all we need is a little reminder to give ourselves a pat on the back.

How do you stop yourself from this tired, old comparison game?

fraud (noun)

- wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain

- a person or thing intended to deceive others, typically by unjustifiably claiming or being credited with accomplishments or qualities.

Imposter syndrome, imposter phenomenon or fraud syndrome is when high-achieving individuals are unable to accept or internalize their accomplishments and have this persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.

It’s like we can’t accept that we’re good at something, or that we know more about something than the general public, and the biggest fear of it comes from this idea of being “found out” and that someone out there is going to see you for the fraud you are and expose you, ruining your reputation.

Even just writing about this is giving me that same feeling of anxiety. It’s like somehow just writing about this is going to expose me. How ridiculous is that?

I feel it most right before I’m going to put out a big project, or start a coaching session with a new client. Both of which I’ve been doing quite a bit of lately.

And what have I found to help? To mostly ignore it, to repeat over and over to myself, you are not a fraud, you are not a fraud, you are not a fraud.

I distinctly remember feeling this as I ran down the side of a mountain in Poland with Michael. I was wearing a garbage bag as a rain jacket, my tennis shoes destroyed with mud, and I just said out loud, almost shouting, “I am a fraud! I do not belong here! What was I thinking hiking up the side of this mountain?"

But life is about putting ourselves into those situations where we feel like frauds. It’s how we grow.

We have our comfort zone — that safe, cozy, warm little box full of all the things we know we’re good at and places we feel comfortable in. But the challenge, and the goal in life, is reaching for something that’s just outside that box, grabbing it, learning about it, accomplishing it, showing ourselves we can do it. And our little box of comfort grows a bit bigger as we add that thing to it. But then you have to reach out again, and again for things that make you feel that discomfort, that fear.

It’s a terrifying thought, but oh the feeling that comes along with succeeding? It feels so good.

Here’s some thoughts I wanted to leave you with:

+ know that this exists, and it is a byproduct of success

+ almost everyone experiences it, from average gals to mega celebrities

+ don’t discount compliments and positive feedback

+ accept the fact that you’re good at something

+ quit comparing yourself to those around you

+ accept that perfection does not exist

+ quit avoiding situations that you think you aren’t qualified for, go after them

+ deconstruct what recent success, big project, accomplishment spurred these feelings

What was a recent time that you felt like a "fraud", what spurred that feeling, and what did you do about it?

Other's Accomplishments Aren't Your Failures

"I'm a Fraud" Means You're Doing Something Right