VIDEO | Make the Most Out of Your Menstrual Phase

Today we're going to be going over our Menstrual Phase.

Did you know you have strengths (and weaknesses) in each phase of your cycle?

Did you know that there are four phases in your menstrual cycle?

Did you know you can use this knowledge of the phases of your cycle to your advantage?

Enjoy,

Victoria

Free Bleeding | It's Whatever You Want it to Be

Simply put, free bleeding is viewed as one of a few things. From training your cervix to hold in your menstrual blood, much like your bladder, until you can go and empty it (Is this really possible!?) Others believe it means just not using anything to absorb/collect your menstrual flow. And some think it simply means not using a tampon, cup, sponge or anything else inserted into your vagina to collect your flow, but that using period underwear or cloth pads still falls within the realm of "free bleeding". 

I hadn’t really thought much about the term, nor heard much until I began looking into it myself. 

Not using any sort of menstrual product has been around longer than you or me has existed, and long before any sanitary products hit the shelves. And there are millions of women “free bleeding” today. Why?

Let’s think about it for a second. Something that some clown somewhere passed off as some hyper-feminist disgusting bullshit is something that millions of women deal with every single month because they don’t have access to feminine hygiene products. Girls stop going to school for that week every month because they don’t have anything to “manage” their periods and being that managing is a “must” in so many cultures they are left to fall behind in school and in life, one period at a time. 

Other women, with access to products, do it because it’s more comfortable for them. 

I like looking at “free-bleeding” as a mindset. You can use whatever products feel most comfortable for you, but do it in a way where you’re allowing your body to bleed. You don’t feel guilty or ashamed. If you leak it’s no big deal. Take blogger, Kelly Jo’s word on it:

"More of a mindset than it is an action, the idea is...letting ourselves bleed. No judgement, no worries about messiness or cleanliness. Just letting it happen...This might look different for different menstruators. We are always, technically, “letting” ourselves bleed...But how often do we take a second, or a few, or a whole menstrual cycle, to mentally let our body do it’s thing. And appreciate it for what it does"

By discovering period underwear I was able to free-bleed in a sense on my lighter days, and not worrying about having to go and empty my cup was a freeing thing. 

"The fact that I happened to be bleeding didn’t interfere with anything that I did; if anything, it felt great not having a foreign object inside my body to staunch the bleeding, plus my cramps were significantly lighter."

     — Kayla Goggin, blogger, XOJane article

There is quite an adjustment to sensation when using only reusable pads or period underwear, or nothing at all. So many of us have grown so accustomed to no sensation at all, other than that telling you it was time to change, before you leaked everywhere. 

It didn’t take me long after getting my period for the first time to muster up the courage to learn how to use a tampon because I just really disliked disposable pads. They were bulky, uncomfortable and felt entirely untrustable. So, a few months into my menstrual journey I learned how to put in a tampon, and I continued to do that from the age of 15 to the age of 24. Then I discovered menstrual cups, which were a game changer, and my preferred method of product still to this day. But not too long into my cup journey I also discovered period underwear. I had tried reusable pads but they didn’t feel secure enough, but these underwear felt like they had my back. 

But then something awesome happened. I stopped using my cups as often. Don’t get me wrong, I love them oh so much more than tampons. But I discovered that I could just get by with the period underwear for my light days, and even my medium light days. There is really only a day or two that I need my cup. 

"But gushing blood into my underwear felt like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute.” — Lane Moore, Cosmopolitan article

That quote puts it perfectly. What an odd, terrifying, “oh crap, oh crap, oh crap” moment it is when you feel a sizable amount release into whatever barrier lay in your underwear. 

I had to learn to trust my period underwear, and to relearn the sensation of when they were full rather than clenching anytime I felt blood flow out of me. 

I guess I had never really heard about women free bleeding before looking into it myself. Beyond women not having access to products of course. But the more I looked into it the more I discovered people’s outrage and disgust with it. Which I find bit funny, obviously. Every story I read about a personal account of free bleeding seemed to be contained to their own home, or where they would just use dark underwear on their light days. Or women using cloth pads and period underwear. And I can’t help but thinking, what’s the problem with that? 

“No Uterus, No Opinion”  

Period Products Aren't "Sexual"

Nor are they a "luxury" but that's another blog post waiting to be written.

Now, I’m not sure if this is still a thing that people believe, but I had a comment awhile ago about how a girl lived with her grandma, and because the grandma believed tampons would interfere with her granddaughter’s virginity she didn’t want to buy them for her. But thankfully, she was able to find a pamphlet to show her grandma. 

I remember before I got my period listening to a friend talk about tampons in a “sexual” way, and it really weirded me out and din’t make sense to me. I was still very naive, but I just had this feeling that she was making it up. 

And of course she was. I have never since heard someone describe a menstrual product as feeling "nice" in that way (if you catch my drift). 

And if you’ve ever used a tampon, cup or sponge, you know there’s nothing sexual about all of these things. Yeah, they can feel more "comfortable" if you go from pads to tampons or cups. But not sexually "nice" in that way. Quite the opposite I think. 

Back when tampons first went on the market, religious parents were concerned that they would cause their daughter to think sinful thoughts. Kind of makes you want to laugh and hit your head on the table at the same time doesn’t it? 

We know that’s not true, but let’s move on to this very confusing idea of virginity, and how it relates to menstrual products. I'm only going to dip my toes into the topic today.

I remember when I was in high school discussing this idea of virginity with my friends, and what we thought “counted” and didn’t. Which is pretty silly looking back. 

The “concern” with period products and virginity is that using a tampon or cup could “pop your cherry” or break/tear you hymen. Or I remember the myth that more sexually active girls had to use "super" or "super plus" tampons. Which if know how a vagina works, know that's false. 

Here's a funny video that explains the hymen. 

Now, there are different “types” of hymens.

A normal (which is the most common) hymen stretches around the outside of the vaginal opening in one way or another, leaving most of the opening clear. Then there are imperforate, microperforate, and septate hymens which all stretch across the vaginal opening in one way or another, which can get in the way of not only tampons and cups, but block the release of menstrual blood, which isn't good. 

Now, don’t let this freak you out when it comes to trying a cup or tampon. There is a learning curve when it comes to using these period products. 

But I’ve made a few videos about these. One about tampons tips, another about tampon tips, and one about cup tips (my menstrual product of choice). 

But if you don't want to take the time to go watch those videos (you should) my biggest pieces of advice are:

+ get a hand mirror and check out what’s going on down there because it’s impossible to put a tampon/cup in a place you have no idea where it is.

+ don’t try to put in or take out a dry tampon, which can be tricky, but swirl the tampon/cup around the opening of your vagina before inserting because it will pick up some fluid that will act as a glorious lubricant and relieve you of some awful feeling friction.

+ stay calm, nothing is going anywhere if you’re clenching your muscles.

+ and finally, no, your vagina is not a black hole that things can get lost in (your cervix stops that from happening).  

And, just remember this, tampons and cups have nothing to do with your sexuality or virginity. They are just part of life as a lady.  

I Didn't Bleed On My Bed This Month + Other Small Victories

I write a lot about periods. Some say I share a few too many details about my period. Like last month, when I shared a story of how I bled through a few pairs of pants, yet still keep a positive attitude about my period. 

I've bled through underwear, multiple pairs of pants, onto my bedding, through my bedding and into the mattress, on chairs, but I still love my period. 

I'm a bit of a freak, I know 

But you’ll be happy to know that I at least didn’t bleed onto my bed this past month. 

However, I think I did still make my way through three pair of pants (at different times throughout the day), and one high top chair (thankfully the chair was black wood, and easily wiped off). 

But do you know what I did accomplish this past cycle? I did a great job of listening to my body, that's what. 

I stopped allowing myself regular naps after I graduated from college, but I always find myself really craving a nap here or there during my period. 

And this past period I let myself take at least one nap. I mean, it was only 15 minutes, but that was a big thing for me. 

Something about stopping what I’m doing in the middle of the day to allow myself to lay down makes me feel guilty. 

Over the past few years, as I’ve learned about my body I’ve learned you HAVE to let yourself slow down during your period. It makes it SO MUCH BETTER. When you listen and just do what your body is telling you through each phase period life is so much easier, and much more pleasant.

This combined with getting off the pill, changing my diet and switching to reusable menstrual products has not only changed my actual period, but has changed how I feel about it. 

I highly recommend trying this out. 

And then when you do bleed through your favorite pair of jeans or onto your white sheets, you aren’t angry and hateful towards your period. You’re forgiving and understanding. 

What are you tricks when it comes to getting along with your period? 

I Can't Imagine Giving Up My Period

There is a lot of talk about getting rid of your period, whether that’s taking a certain form of birth control or skipping the placebo/“fake period" week of the form you are taking.

And I get why there are so many women out there that want to make it go away. But today I wanted to share why I can’t imagine giving up my period, and not having it anymore. 

You see, I used to hate my period just as much as the next girl. 

Before I had it, I wanted it to come. I begged it to come, worrying that I was some infertile freak who was different from her friends. 

But it wasn’t long after I finally got it (hooray!) that I was quickly sucked into the culture of hating it, complaining about it, and thinking it was oh so unfair that I had to deal with this thing every month and boys didn’t. 

It wasn’t until I quit the pill, started learning about, and practicing FAM, and finally got my real cycle back that I started to, dare I say, fall in love with my period. 

So, here are 10 reasons why I can’t imagine giving it up:

+ My period is such a good indicator of my health — mental and physical. Seriously, your period and menstrual cycle is like a canary in a goldmine. 

+ My period reminds me to take some time each month to slow down and reflect, which is much needed in today's culture of go go go.

+ It connects me to the greater female population. As soon as I say I’m in the business of talking about periods, women will shuffle up to me to ask about anything from menstrual cups to sharing their birth control experience. 

+ I wouldn’t get to try out fun period products. Cups, sponges, reusable pads, period underwear, fertility computers. Whoosh, out the window! No more of those. 

+ My cycle gives me a boost of motivation, energy and "social-ness” around ovulation. Seriously, I feel like a superhero that can take on the world. 

+ I wouldn’t be as creative or as inspired. I know because I used to be there. It was called college, and there I was scraping along doing just above the bare minimum, lost in a world of wondering what to do with my life. 

+ FemmeHead, which is a huge part of my life, wouldn’t be a thing. What would I do with my days?!

+ I wouldn’t have been able to heal my body image issues if I hadn’t gotten my real period back. Because I didn't let myself realize I had them in the first place. 

+ There would be no more mittelschmerz! One of my favorite words, and how excited I imagine pregnant women feel with their baby kicks (probably not quite that excited, but I do get a real rush of “cool!” when it happens). 

+ I feel bad for guys because they don’t get to experience the different phases of a cycle, and they can’t grow a tiny human from scratch inside of them. And without my period and my cycle, I wouldn’t get to either. 

In the end, we all have our reasons for loving or hating our periods. But today I challenge you to start taking a different perspective on your cycle. Especially if you’ve been brought up in a culture, like me, where there is so much embarrassment and anger surrounding our periods. 

Why I Could Get Down With a Modern Day Red Tent

It was probably a year ago that I read The Red Tent, and if you haven’t read this book, just go do it already. In fact, I kind of want to reread it. 

If you go searching for information about menstrual huts you often find stories about oppressive cultures and their traditions, but I like to look towards Native American moon lodges for inspiration. 

There is this incredible respect for menstruating women in most Native American cultures, and amazing respect for women in general. 

Some believe that women are purifying themselves during this time, not dirty and impure as many believe, and that women are the embodiment of a holy person during their period.

Women are believed to be more spiritually powerful and in tune during their period, and often consulted by others for advice.

Moon time is a time for women to come together in these special lodges, a time to be able to let go of their responsibilities, to come together with other bleeding women, share stories, gossip and give advice, to support one another, and to rest.

There is a legend I have seen a few times about why women menstruate. 

A long time ago, women were considered powerful in that they held in a lot of their family emotions, their joy and happiness but also their sadness and sorrow. They were the life-force of the family. However, sometimes that would become exhausting. 

So one day, the woman went to nature to try to find help and yelled out because the burden was too much. A Raven heard her and went to see her, asking her why she was crying. The woman stated she was overwhelmed with the burdens of her family. She loved her family but no longer could take everything in anymore. Raven said that he understood her pain and went to ask Grandmother Ocean for help. Grandmother Ocean offered to wash away the pain of the women who would come to her but that she could not help those farther away. So she went to ask for help from her sister, Grandmother Moon.

So Grandmother Moon said that she represented the feminine power and would send the waters of Grandmother Ocean into the women so her power would reach them. Once every moon cycle, Grandmother Ocean shall come into the women and purify them. And she did just that. Every month, there is thus a time when the women embody the power of Grandmother Moon and are cleansed by the waters of Grandmother Ocean.

Imagine being able to step away from life’s responsibilities for even a day to give your body, mind and soul what it needs?

There’s nothing I like more than getting together with other women and talking about menstrual related things, so a red tent is basically my dream scenario. 

Would you ever go to a red tent? Or have you ever?