Your Period Is Not Evil

I’m just continually trying to do my part in breaking the taboo surrounding our periods and menstrual cycle. And today I want to talk about how our periods aren’t evil. 

Because I see all too often so much negativity surrounding our periods. 

When we’re younger, and first get our periods, there’s this sense of “this is unfair, boys don’t have to do this!”

When we get older they’re seen as an annoying inconvenience mixed with gratitude that they came. 

Then when women start trying to conceive their periods transform into something that is downright evil. 

Our poor periods can’t ever win with us. 

Our periods aren’t this thing separate from us, happening to us. They’re just a part of our reproductive system, just like breathing is a part of our respiratory system and our heart beating is part of our cardiovascular system. 

But at the same time if there’s something painfully wrong with your period, don’t feel like you just have to deal with it. It takes women so long to get diagnosed with hormonal issues like PCOS or Endometriosis. And most of the time doctors will try and put you on hormonal birth control to “balance your hormones”. Don’t even get me started with this BS “band-aid”, one size fits all solution. 

This idea that our periods and our fertility are all things that need to be controlled by some outside source is ridiculous. 

I’m guilty of these beliefs just like anyone else. 

I fell into the trap as a teenager thinking my period was this out of body thing that I needed to contain. I went on hormonal birth control to “make my periods easier”, but the pill didn’t improve them that much, and not enough to make up for all the negative side effects that being on the pill came with. 

By trying to control something, my period and later my fertility, I ended up doing more harm than good to my body, and mind. 

Don’t get me wrong I am forever grateful for the easy access I had to hormonal birth control at that age. But I’m also really bitter about everything I didn’t know at that age too. 

These days I hear about teenagers who use period tracking apps to actually know where they are in their cycle, something so simple now was always a guessing game for me growing up. I never knew you could track, let alone chart your cycle. 

I just wish I could share the knowledge I now have surrounding cycles and charting with every girl headed into getting her first period, every teenager and young adult annoyed with her period, trying to control her fertility, and every woman trying to get pregnant. 

That’s part of the reason the first course I created was Chart Your Cycle for everyone who is new to FAM and charting. It’s a place to learn the sympto-thermal method in an understandable and relatable way. Zero judgment, embarrassment, and very little confusion. And the confusion is where I come in to answer questions. 

Knowledge is power and learning about my cycle, my fertility and my body were one of the most incredible things I have done for myself. I wasn’t always this period or body positive. I used to groan when my period showed up, expected the guy I was dating to know what to “do” instead of telling him what I liked, and I mentally picked my body apart wishing I looked different than I did. 

You wouldn’t think there were so many positive effects from one small change, but it was a huge change in my little world, splitting it wide open, changing my direction in life and so much more. 

I truly believe I wouldn’t be who I am today without getting off the pill and learning about my body. It all stems from small shifts in our attitude and perception, and can start with something as simple as realizing that our periods are a part of us, not some evil witch out to ruin our lives. 

You Hate Your Period, But Don't Want To

So, you hate your period, but you wish you didn’t? 

I used to be in the same boat. Well, I just hated my period. It never crossed my mind that I could change my perspective on the situation. Disliking your period was just the norm, everyone did it. 

But more and more I hear from gals out there who want to mend that relationship. 

They want to (*gasp*) get along with their cycle. 

Well, if this is you, here’s a few things you can do:

Start learning about your menstrual cycle: 

+ Look into the power of your four phases, the strengths and weaknesses in each and how to use all of it to your advantage

+ It’s amazing how your perspective changes on something when you finally understand the purpose of it (i.e. cramps)

+ Start charting your cycle (tracking your fluid and temperature). You’d be amazed how many cringe at the idea of checking their fluid. If you can’t touch your own vagina, we need to talk. 

Change the conversation:

+ Notice the tone and attitude of conversations surrounding periods with your friends. Do you only complain to each other? 

+ Start saying positive things, little tidbits you’ve learned and things you’ve started to notice in your own cycle

+ Don’t worry. You’re still allowed to say things like “oh my god these cramps!” or “I just bled through everything!"

Upgrade Your Period:

+ Do you hate the period products you use? 

+ I really didn’t like pads when I first got my period. They just made me feel frumpy. And I distinctly remember when I was finally able to successfully use a tampon. I felt like a new woman. 

+ Maybe you feel itchy, irritated and uncomfortable. And you’ve been associating this nonsense with why you dislike your period so much. Well, it’s time to try out a reusable pad, period underwear and maybe even a menstrual cup

+ Take time to pamper yourself around your period, whether that’s sleeping more, eating better food or taking a bubble bath. Treat yourself like a million bucks, and don’t apologize for it. 

These are three easy things that we can all start doing. And this is kind of my formula for everything in life. (Food, money, etc.) Educate yourself, change how you talk about it, and find a way to improve it. 

Where do you struggle or excel in the realm of menstrual magic?

Mornings, Mondays + Periods | All Amazing Fresh Starts

I remember the time I used to look at my period’s imminent arrival with a certain sense of dread, an “oh no, this again” sort of outlook.

So, it’s incredible to be in a place where I actually look forward to my period. And I’ll tell you why. 

You period is a fresh start. 

Now I know there are PUH-LEN-TEE of women who would disagree.

And I get it. Periods can suck. They can come at inconvenient times, cause of lot of pain and suffering, and make some god awful messes. 

I’m not here to tell you that changing your perspective can heal your horrible periods. That requires a bit more work. BUT changing your outlook is part of that journey. 

Let’s say you don’t have end of the world periods. Today is for you. 

I was having a great conversation with one of my “students" recently, and she mentioned how she looked forward to her period.

She explained it like hitting a restart button on everything. 

And I couldn’t agree more. 

There’s always this big sigh of relief when I start bleeding, almost as if my body is giving me permission to just take a much needed "slow out” (It’s like a time out, but with out actually stopping everything. Just moving at a more conscious pace.) 

And since the dawn of time there’s also a few, "Phew, I’m not pregnant” sighs of relief. 

It’s like a brand new year, or the start to a new week. 

Later this month I’m going to talk about my love for Mondays, and I think it’s very much the same thing. 

If you’re a morning person it’s quite similar to waking up to a brand new day ahead of you. 

It’s like, no matter what happened yesterday, last week, month or year this is a clean slate. 

Your period (along with the rest of these moments) is a great time to just let go of all that baggage you’ve been carrying around up to that point. 

Let it go. Shed a few layers. And enjoy that effortless lightness that follows. 

Now, you may think I’m a total loon. 

Someone who likes mornings, Monday and getting her periods? 

A few years ago I would have rolled my eyes and gagged a little if I heard some peppy young thing spouting all this. 

But these are the moments that all but beg for us to hit that reset button. 

And I realized as she said all this that I viewed it the same exact way. 

When my period is on its way I always slow down, step back from life and assess a few things. How’s it all going? What’s working? What can I let go of? What can I do to improve this next month? 

I take a deep breath and kind of re-up on all of my goals, redrafting them for the month ahead. 

And I promise if you take this perspective on your coming periods you’ll see nothing but positive results. When I first heard about some of these concepts, just being aware of them was enough for changes to start taking place without any real effort from myself. 

But now that I have put in a conscious effort I am pleasantly surprised month after month. 

When You Don’t Have Time to Slow Down on Your Period

I’m a big advocate of letting yourself slow down leading up to your period and during your period. So much so that if you follow FemmeHead pretty closely you know I really never shut up about it. 

And that’s because I have seen the importance of it month after month in my own life, and in my own cycle. 

Every month I preach the same message “Just Slow Down”, and after each period I come back with a sigh of relief and say, “Gah, that felt good. I feel refreshed and renewed for the month ahead.” 

And I do. If I just take a step back during the few days leading up to, and the first few days of my period, I get a huge burst of energy, motivation and positivity at the end of my period. And this little burst of “I can do anything!” carries on through the rest of my cycle. Right up until the last few days before my next period. 

Just thinking about that type of energy gets me excited as I sit here writing this. 

And that’s because I wasn’t able to slow down during last month’s period. It was right when we were coming back from Bali, which meant around 30 hours of travel, hurtling myself across 14 time zones, and trying to play catch up in the two days I had at home before getting back on another plane to head to California for a few days. 

It was a lot, and that combined with trying to beat jet lag and get back on a normal sleep schedule threw me for a loop and kept me from being able to do my usual slow down, breathe, you’re on your period, routine. 

So, what do you do when this happens? Well, I’ll tell you from my current experience. 

Now if you’ve never been able to slow down on your period, I bet you have no idea what I’m even talking about. But I promise you, and challenge you to try it out. 

If you don’t, or can't take the much needed break during you period you’ll have to take this past month just a smidgen slower and accept that there’s not going to be that usual burst of renewed energy. 

Instead of finding time during your period to breath and relax. You’re going to have to find those moments when you can here and there throughout that following cycle. 

One example for my own cycle, right before ovulation I had been just absolutely pooped for a few days, but couldn’t slow down. 

Then I found myself almost nodding off I was so knackered, and I stepped back and thought, you know what if I just stop for an hour the world will keep spinning. 

So I took a nap, a glorious hour long nap at 2 o’ clock in the afternoon. 

I don’t know about you, but I’m not a napper. I feel guilty when I take naps. I lay down, close my eyes, and all I can think about is everything I should be doing instead. 

But that day I let myself have a nap, and I woke up. And how did I feel? 

It felt like coming too after a really delicious Shavasana after a difficult yoga practice. You feel refreshed, renewed and completely zenned out. 

It’s one of my favorite feelings in the world. 

And that’s what coming off of the end of your period kind of feels like when you let yourself slow down and rest. 

So, if you don’t do it already try, just try to find a few minutes here and there during your period to just take a deep breath and just stop moving for awhile. 

I know, I know. We think, “I can’t slow down. I don’t even have enough time to keep up with everything as it is.” But I promise you that you can find ten minutes a day, you’ll reap the rewards throughout the rest of your cycle. 

As I sit here putting the finishing touches on this I’m currently on day 3 of my cycle, and I don’t know if it’s because we’ve just gotten home (yesterday) from another trip, or because I didn’t get my rest last time ‘round, but I’m feeling completely out of sorts and exhausted today. 

But you better believe I learned my lesson last time around, and today my goal is to just finish what I have to get done. And you can find me doing all of that either curled up on the couch or from one of our big red comfy chairs, in a sweater and leggings, sipping on some hot lemon water. 

While I’m trying to enjoy this phase, I’m craving the energy I know will come. 

[If you want to learn more about your cycle, consider taking my Chart Your Cycle course to learn all the basics of the symptom-thermal method of FAM, and whether it’s a good fit for you — hint: it is.]

Free Bleeding | It's Whatever You Want it to Be

Simply put, free bleeding is viewed as one of a few things. From training your cervix to hold in your menstrual blood, much like your bladder, until you can go and empty it (Is this really possible!?) Others believe it means just not using anything to absorb/collect your menstrual flow. And some think it simply means not using a tampon, cup, sponge or anything else inserted into your vagina to collect your flow, but that using period underwear or cloth pads still falls within the realm of "free bleeding". 

I hadn’t really thought much about the term, nor heard much until I began looking into it myself. 

Not using any sort of menstrual product has been around longer than you or me has existed, and long before any sanitary products hit the shelves. And there are millions of women “free bleeding” today. Why?

Let’s think about it for a second. Something that some clown somewhere passed off as some hyper-feminist disgusting bullshit is something that millions of women deal with every single month because they don’t have access to feminine hygiene products. Girls stop going to school for that week every month because they don’t have anything to “manage” their periods and being that managing is a “must” in so many cultures they are left to fall behind in school and in life, one period at a time. 

Other women, with access to products, do it because it’s more comfortable for them. 

I like looking at “free-bleeding” as a mindset. You can use whatever products feel most comfortable for you, but do it in a way where you’re allowing your body to bleed. You don’t feel guilty or ashamed. If you leak it’s no big deal. Take blogger, Kelly Jo’s word on it:

"More of a mindset than it is an action, the idea is...letting ourselves bleed. No judgement, no worries about messiness or cleanliness. Just letting it happen...This might look different for different menstruators. We are always, technically, “letting” ourselves bleed...But how often do we take a second, or a few, or a whole menstrual cycle, to mentally let our body do it’s thing. And appreciate it for what it does"

By discovering period underwear I was able to free-bleed in a sense on my lighter days, and not worrying about having to go and empty my cup was a freeing thing. 

"The fact that I happened to be bleeding didn’t interfere with anything that I did; if anything, it felt great not having a foreign object inside my body to staunch the bleeding, plus my cramps were significantly lighter."

     — Kayla Goggin, blogger, XOJane article

There is quite an adjustment to sensation when using only reusable pads or period underwear, or nothing at all. So many of us have grown so accustomed to no sensation at all, other than that telling you it was time to change, before you leaked everywhere. 

It didn’t take me long after getting my period for the first time to muster up the courage to learn how to use a tampon because I just really disliked disposable pads. They were bulky, uncomfortable and felt entirely untrustable. So, a few months into my menstrual journey I learned how to put in a tampon, and I continued to do that from the age of 15 to the age of 24. Then I discovered menstrual cups, which were a game changer, and my preferred method of product still to this day. But not too long into my cup journey I also discovered period underwear. I had tried reusable pads but they didn’t feel secure enough, but these underwear felt like they had my back. 

But then something awesome happened. I stopped using my cups as often. Don’t get me wrong, I love them oh so much more than tampons. But I discovered that I could just get by with the period underwear for my light days, and even my medium light days. There is really only a day or two that I need my cup. 

"But gushing blood into my underwear felt like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute.” — Lane Moore, Cosmopolitan article

That quote puts it perfectly. What an odd, terrifying, “oh crap, oh crap, oh crap” moment it is when you feel a sizable amount release into whatever barrier lay in your underwear. 

I had to learn to trust my period underwear, and to relearn the sensation of when they were full rather than clenching anytime I felt blood flow out of me. 

I guess I had never really heard about women free bleeding before looking into it myself. Beyond women not having access to products of course. But the more I looked into it the more I discovered people’s outrage and disgust with it. Which I find bit funny, obviously. Every story I read about a personal account of free bleeding seemed to be contained to their own home, or where they would just use dark underwear on their light days. Or women using cloth pads and period underwear. And I can’t help but thinking, what’s the problem with that? 

“No Uterus, No Opinion”  

My Period This Month Was Awesome

Another polite period in the books!

I have really been enjoying my periods these past few years. And that’s saying something considering how far I’m come. I used to have 9 day, heavy, painful, emotional periods. 

This month she came in without any mess or fuss. No spotting, minimal cramping, and no irritability. 

I made it through the week with almost no leaking, minus a little mishap with my pajama bottoms. I wore my cup and period underwear for about three days, and just the period underwear for the rest. All in all it probably lasted 5 days with one light-medium day, two days of light flow, and two days of very light flow/spotting. 

As usual, I allowed myself to sleep in while I was bleeding. My body always quietly begs me to let her sleep just a little longer. And I’ve gotten so much better over the past few years to listening, and allowing myself to, without the guilt. 

This month I had much more energy than normal on my period. And I felt so much more social than usual, which I took advantage of but didn’t abuse. 

I felt very reflective and creative. I made the most out of that and sat down and planned out my 2017 goals. I looked back at my 2016 goals and then I planned out my personal and professional goals for this year. 

One day I just had this burst of creativity so I grabbed some old magazines, a box our of the recycling bin, and I sat down and made a inspiration/mood/dream board. 

Overall, it was an awesome period. If you would have told me five years ago that I would one day love my periods, and be excited to get them, I would have told you that you were crazy. But here I am, loving every aspect of my cycle.  

The Wonderful World of Menstrual Activism

Today I’m going to share some examples of some of my favorite lady-hero menstrual activists. 

And then we’ll talk about how an everyday gal can find menstrual activism that works for them.

Jen Lewis — takes these incredible photographs of her menstrual blood being dumped into water. If this makes you cringe go check out “Beauty in Blood” 

Rupi Kaur — a poet and artist who posted that famous Instagram photo of a woman who is laying on her side, facing away from the camera, showing menstrual blood that had leaked through her pants and onto her sheets. 

Kiran Gandhi — ran the London marathon with no tampon, pad or cup, and just allowed herself to free bleed because why not! 

Ingrid Berton-Moine — artist who created “Red is the Colour” which is portraits of women wearing their own menstrual blood. http://www.ingridberthonmoine.com/work

Chella Quint — has created some pretty awesome vines called Adventures in Menstruating, which she now has made into a show I’d love to attend. 

Rachel Kauder Nalebuff — wrote "My Little Red Book", which compiles story after story of first periods around the world from current to years ago. 

The Moon Inside You — Diana Fabianova had unsatisfactory periods for a long time and struggled with feeling positive about them. So she went on a journey and brought us along with her with The Mood Inside You.

Miki Agrawal — While they create awesome period underwear I think another awesome thing they have done is to help break through period taboos, making periods more mainstream in a positive light. Their advertisements go beyond tampon and pad commercials which still tell us to be quiet and discreet with our period products. 

Now you don’t have to wear a new shade of red, write a book or run a marathon bleeding. If you want to, go do it then already! That’d be amazing. But here are a few ways that you can take part in the movement. 

+ Start talking positively about your period since we’ve been so conditioned to only complain about it. 

+ Have a conversation with a friend about your period (remember, be positive).

+ Try a menstrual cup or sponge, challenge the way you feel about interacting with your menstrual blood.

+ Ask your mother about her first period.

+ if you have a daughter teach her about her period in a empowering way, instead of the shame and secrecy most of us were taught. 

+ Start charting your cycle, educate yourself about it.

+ Go to a local showing of Vagina Monologues, or another show that talks about vaginas, being female, periods or something along those lines. 

There is a giant, amazing spectrum of menstrual activism to get involved in. Which do you want to try out? What other ideas do you have to share? Because what a life changing thing it is to be period positive.  

I Didn't Bleed On My Bed This Month + Other Small Victories

I write a lot about periods. Some say I share a few too many details about my period. Like last month, when I shared a story of how I bled through a few pairs of pants, yet still keep a positive attitude about my period. 

I've bled through underwear, multiple pairs of pants, onto my bedding, through my bedding and into the mattress, on chairs, but I still love my period. 

I'm a bit of a freak, I know 

But you’ll be happy to know that I at least didn’t bleed onto my bed this past month. 

However, I think I did still make my way through three pair of pants (at different times throughout the day), and one high top chair (thankfully the chair was black wood, and easily wiped off). 

But do you know what I did accomplish this past cycle? I did a great job of listening to my body, that's what. 

I stopped allowing myself regular naps after I graduated from college, but I always find myself really craving a nap here or there during my period. 

And this past period I let myself take at least one nap. I mean, it was only 15 minutes, but that was a big thing for me. 

Something about stopping what I’m doing in the middle of the day to allow myself to lay down makes me feel guilty. 

Over the past few years, as I’ve learned about my body I’ve learned you HAVE to let yourself slow down during your period. It makes it SO MUCH BETTER. When you listen and just do what your body is telling you through each phase period life is so much easier, and much more pleasant.

This combined with getting off the pill, changing my diet and switching to reusable menstrual products has not only changed my actual period, but has changed how I feel about it. 

I highly recommend trying this out. 

And then when you do bleed through your favorite pair of jeans or onto your white sheets, you aren’t angry and hateful towards your period. You’re forgiving and understanding. 

What are you tricks when it comes to getting along with your period?