FAM Misconceptions + Mistakes

Women don’t want to move backwards. We want to move forward, into a time of knowledge and education, into a time where we can combine research and technology to find the best possible birth control option that works for us and our bodies.

Birth control is not a one size fits all thing. What works for me might now work for you. We don’t have cookie cutter perfect cycles, and that’s OK. That’s part of having a cycle. The exciting part, the empowering part comes from learning about your unique cycle and what you can do to work with your body to control your fertility in a way that fits with your life. 

So, while you’ll probably never hear me promote hormonal birth control options you’ll never hear me say that women shouldn’t have the option to choose them. Just like women should have the access to the actual information about FAM. 

Today I want to go over some misconceptions about FAM as well as some common FAM mistakes. 

So, what are some things one might hear about FAM? 

     + that it’s too hard

     + not effective enough

     + inconvenient (can’t have spontaneous sex)

     + we’re not smart enough to use it correctly 

     + all FABM’s (fertility awareness based methods) are lumped together

     + media confuses it with the Rhythm Method

It’s one of my main frustrations but the media regularly confuses FAM with the Rhythm Method. Which if you’ve learned anything about modern forms of FAM you know it’s very different. FAM has a perfect use rate comparable to the pill, but because all FABM’s get lumped together it takes the effectiveness rate down, because the Rhythm Method is often included in that. 

Seriously, if you go Google "Rhythm Method” right now, in the top right corner will pop up “Fertility awareness, also called: The Rhythm Method”. 

(Internal Scream) It’s not the same thing! 

Whenever you hear people (who know what FAM is) talk about it they’re usually talking about a combined method (like the Sympto-Thermal Method) where you track your basal body temperature, cervical fluid and optional cervical position on a daily basis and apply that to the rules of the method to determine where you are in your cycle and fertility. 

The Rhythm Method is based on the length of your cycle. Oh and assumes everyone has a perfect 28 day cycle and ovulates on day 14. 

Let’s move on to the “too hard”, “too time consuming” part of FAM. 

It does take a few cycles to learn, but once you know the information it doesn’t take more than a few minutes each day. Seriously I’m more in tune with and educated about my menstrual cycle and fertility now (not to mention more diligent and safe) than I was when I was taking the Pill. 

As for “spontaneous sex” people really need to widen their definition of what sex is. There are a lot of lovely sexual acts that don’t involve actual intercourse (penis in vagina), and these should be a part of your repertoire anyways. Plus there are condoms and other non-hormonal barrier methods available for those 6-7 days you have to avoid unprotected sex. 

Alright, let’s talk about some mistakes. 

+ not taking temperature consistently

     - not taking it at the same time

     - not taking it first thing when you wake up

     - lounging in bed for awhile before you take it, even though you haven’t actually gotten out of bed

     - not taking it every day

     - not taking it with a BBT thermometer

+ not following the rules/not learning them

     - don’t just read a few articles online

     - at least read a book like Taking Charge Of Your Fertility

     - best to then back that up with taking a course (online or in person)

[Shameless self plug: I offer an easy to digest Chart Your Cycle course]

+ not learning an actual method (creating a Frankenstein method)

     - i’ve had a few people comment on stuff saying FAM is crap, but then they go on to explain some frankenstein method that they’ve concocted

     - you should learn how to correctly take your BBT and check your fluid, choose a method and learn the rules to that method, and follow them

     - ovulation test strips should not be a part of your birth control plan

          + perfectly OK if you’re trying to conceive

          + and if you’re curious

+ apps are great, but you should learn the rules and implement them yourself rather than relying on what the app tells you

     - it’s best to choose an app that doesn’t have fertility prediction because they might sway your thoughts against what your signs are actually saying

          + I’m currently using Kindara, which allows you to input all of your data into a chart, draw a coverline, etc.

     - unless it’s an app like NaturalCycles, Daysy or LadyComp that has the algorithms, data and research to back it up

     - What I’m saying is don’t rely on predictions in simple period tracking apps as birth control

+ calendar methods, methods that don’t use fertility signs

     - don’t guess when your fertile phase based on past cycles

     - it’s not about the number of days, it’s about taking your temperature and fluid every day to calculate fertility 

+ only casually tracking temperature

     + don’t underestimate the importance of cervical fluid (it’s the greatest indicator of fertility and where you are in your cycle)

     + it is much more telling to me than temperature is

     + temperature only tells you when you’ve ovulated and when you’ve started a new cycle

     + using a temp-only method after you have realized you can’t track your fluid is one thing. But I think women should be learning how to and tracking both if they can. Especially at first

Phew! Ok I know that’s probably a lot to digest, and I may have gotten a little ranty at times, but hopefuly you get the gist. 

You are smart enough to safely use FAM if you so desire. 

It’s based on science, not some hippy, woo woo seance. 

Normal people like you and me use it. 

Do you use FAM? Have you considered it? Let me know down below. 

Learn the Method Before Relying On a Device

I’ve been getting a lot of messages and questions from gals looking to quit their hormonal birth control and they want to know what I recommend when it comes to Daysy, Natural Cycles, Wink and things like that. 

And I’ll share my thoughts but I always start with highly recommending learning something like the sympto-thermal method (STM) before relying solely on a device or app.

I can’t begin to explain the benefits of understanding the method, your fertility and all of that before you pick up a device. 

You can go the old school way of using a paper chart as you learn and practice the sympto-thermal method, but I prefer doing my charting on the Kindara app. (I’m not sponsored, I just really love their app).

I love that it doesn’t give you predictions, and is basically a paper chart in an app. You have to input all of your data, draw your coverline, choose your peak day plus you can add custom data as well. 

A lot of people assume charting, FAM and STM are complicated and hard to learn. And therefore they want the security of a device so they don’t have to rely on just themselves. 

But I sincerely believe that anyone who wants to learn how to chart can do it successfully. 

The recommended timeline is three cycles to get the hang of it before relying on just the STM. I remember when I first started seeing what I had read and learned about play out in my own cycle and on my own chart. 

Not only was it just really cool, but it was super empowering. And yes you can get a similar sensation from using a device, but I don’t really quite think it’s the same as when you’ve learned the method and implemented it on your own. 

A lot of the devices and apps I’ve seen are based on temperature-only methods, which is fine, and there’s definitely a place for it, but I have so much more confidence in the STM because there is both temperature and fluid to cross check each other. 

Cervical fluid is this amazing indicator of fertility, and there is so much that I would miss out on if I wasn’t charting it. I can tell how hydrated I am that cycle by how much fluid I have. If my temperature is off because of travel, sleep, sickness, stress, you name it I have my fluid to cross-check my chart with to make sure I’m being safe. It's an added security that makes me more confident in the method rather than if I was just charting my temperature. 

So, yes, there have been some cool advances in technology, which is awesome and something I hope to see continue in the future. But I really do believe that you’re better off, in the long run, learning the sympto-thermal method before relying on a device. 

If you’re ready to learn STM and start charting, I’ve created just the course for you. 

Chart Your Cycle is for those new to FAM, and the STM. I teach you how to chart, about your different phases and the four FAM rules, which will give you the perfect foundation of knowledge to start charting. 

When did you start charting, and why do you recommend it?

Talking to Your Partner About Your Cycle

Communication is crucial in a healthy relationship, and that includes talking about your menstrual cycle. 

Especially if FAM is your birth control method of choice. 

So, how does one bridge this topic of conversation? 

First off, I’d just like to say, in the case of most men I’ve met and talked to, they’re much more comfortable talking about menstrual cycle related things than we give them credit for. 

Yes, you might meet the odd, older man who guffaws at the mention of a menstrual cycle, but for the most part, people are chill with periods. And even older men are like yeah my wife has a period, my two daughters just started getting theirs, I'm not phased anymore. 

If you’re planning on using FAM as birth control you’re going to want to get nice and cozy with the idea of talking about the intricacies of your menstrual cycle, but a lot of what goes along with talking about charting has nothing to do with blood. 

People like information and facts so you’re going to want to have those ready in your back pocket when starting a conversation about using FAM. Is it effective? How does it even work? But that’s what so-and-so who’s Catholic uses and they have 10 kids. 

When I told Michael “Yeah, I chart and use the sympto-thermal method”, he responded with “Cool! How’s that work?” And he has gone on to become a very well informed partner. 

So, you’re going to want to explain to your partner how charting works and why it works as birth control. 

Then depending on what app or paper chart you use you might want to consider sharing that with them so they know where you are in your cycle. 

There’s going to be those conversations in the heat of the moment of, "I’m in my fertile phase so we can’t have sex today." And I’m not sure why, but some people think not being able to have sex or having to say ‘no’ is the worse thing possible, but I always ask myself, don’t they know about all the other fun, satisfying sexual activities they can explore? 

I’m going to let you in on something — you don’t always have to be available for sex. Gasp! This seems to be an argument in favor of hormonal birth control, “But, I can have sex whenever I want.” But this all depends on what your definition of “sex” is because like I said above there are so many things you can do in the realm of “sex” that doesn’t involve PIV sex. 

Another cool thing about opening up the conversation about your cycle with your partner is that they unknowingly learn when your different phases are. And yes, while there’s much more that goes into charting then guessing when you’re fertile or not, you’d be surprised the number of times Michael has made a comment about “Yeah, it’s around the time you usually ovulate” or “Your period is going to start soon, right?"

Just having your partner in the know, makes things run so much smoother. There should be nothing taboo about talking about bodies, menstrual cycles, fertility and charting between two people having sex. You should be open and honest with each other, and if you don’t feel comfortable talking to them, well, you might want to reconsider some things. 

While we were in Bali Michael and I sat down and filmed a video about FAM and your partner, which you can go watch if you’re curious about more. 

But the biggest takeaway I want you to have from today is to be open in your conversations. You might be nervous with how they're going to react to talking about menstrual cycles since we always thought we had to hide our periods from boys in school because they would make fun of us. But like I said before, guys are pretty cool when it comes to talking about periods. 

How did you start this conversation with your partner? How have partners reacted to this conversation? What have you found guys want to know when it comes to cycles? 

Different Types of Fertility Awareness Based Methods

I wanted to write this today because I think there is a big misconception when people hear about charting or Fertility Awareness. There’s this assumption that it all means the same thing, when in fact there are quite a few methods within the umbrella of FAM. 

Today I’m going to share 8 different methods, as shown in Taking Charge of Your Fertility, the fertility signs used within that method as well as the effectiveness. All of this will hopefully show you that there are a lot of options (good and bad) within Fertility Awareness based methods. And you can see why lumping all of these together as FAM will give you inaccurate results for “effectiveness”. 

Sympto-Thermal Method (STM) FAM/NFP

Fertility Signs Used: Cervical fluid and waking temperature (option to chart cervical position as well). 

Effectiveness: This is considered the most comprehensive and reliable method because the two signs must corroborate each other before you’re considered safe (it’s the method taught in TCOYF and what I teach in Chart Your Cycle). It’s on par with the effectiveness of the Pill.

A method where two of three signs are observed, in addition to optional secondary signs.

BBT Method (Basal Body Temperature)

Fertility Signs Used: Waking Temperature

Effectiveness: very effective but only after ovulation

The days before ovulation aren’t safe for unprotected sex because the rise in temp only indicates you’re safe after ovulation. But it is an option for those that can’t rely on their cervical fluid patterns. 

Justisse Method

Fertility Signs Used: Cervical fluid (option of waking temp or cervical position)

Effectiveness: just like with Creighton and Billings (below) it’s effective because it uses fluid, but unlike those other two you have the option to chart your waking temp and cervical position which can make it as effective as the sympto-thermal method.

It’s similar to Creighton model since it uses almost the same descriptions of fluid. It also provides holistic health-care support to women having different types of hormonal problems. 

Creighton Model System (CrMS)

Fertility Signs Used: Cervical fluid

Effectiveness: quite effective like Billings because cervical fluid is most important sign to observe when charting to avoid pregnancy, but you don’t get temp shift to confirm ovulation. 

It’s also called fertility care system. It’s similar to billings but uses extremely precise and standardized description of fluid.

Billings Ovulation Method

Fertility Signs Used: Cervical fluid

Effectiveness: quite effective because fluid is most important sign to check when avoiding pregnancy naturally, but you don’t have the added benefit of a temp shift to confirm ovulation so it’s not as effective as STM.

The classic and first method in which only fluid is observed.

Two-Day Method

Fertility Signs Used: Cervical fluid

Effectiveness: You don’t have the benefit of temp shift to confirm ovulation since rules aren’t as strict as other methods that observe fluid it may not be as effective

It’s a simplified version of Billings Ovulation Method. It asks whether you observed a secretion the day before or that day. If it’s yes to either you’re considered fertile. It doesn’t differentiate between types of fluid so it’s easy to apply. 

Cycle Beads

Fertility Signs Used: None

Effectiveness: same as Standard Days Method (below)

Cycle beads are simple braclet of beads that can be used with the Standard Days Method. But it’s easy to get confused with what day you're on because there are no dates on the beads. Because of this, an actual calendar would be more effective to use with Standard Days. 

Standard Days Method

Fertility Signs Used: None

Effectiveness: It can be effective for those with consistent cycle lengths, but like the Rhythm Method (below) it doesn’t involve charting fertility signs day to day so it doesn’t account for an abnormal ovulation. It’s only recommended for women who are spacing their kids or would be OK with surprise pregnancy. 

It’s similar to the rhythm method and couples avoid unprotected sex during presumed fertile phases of days 8-19 if she has consistent cycles between 26-32 days.

Rhythm Method

Fertility Signs Used: None

Effectiveness: It’s unreliable because it doesn’t involve observing any fertility signs day to day, so it doesn’t take into account an abnormal ovulation. 

It’s an out of date method that uses past cycle lengths to predict future fertile phases. Not recommended. 

I hope you can see from this that there is an array of options for charting. And that methods like the Rhythm Method is very different from the Sympto-Thermal Method. 

What’s your preferred method? 

For Those Who Are Worried About You Using FAM

It’s inevitable when some people find out you’re ditching the hormones and choosing a natural alternative. 

There is a lot of confusion around fertility, birth control and our options. 

So, when you get a lot of “But, you’re going to end up pregnant!” try not to get too frustrated. 

Think back to when you didn’t know there was another way, before you knew how our fertility actually works. 

Here’s how to have a polite conversation with someone who is “concerned” about you not being on hormonal birth control. 

Start by sharing some of your favorite FAM, cycle, period facts. Pique their curiosity. [This is where books like “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” and “The Pill: Are You Sure It’s For You?” come in handy]. 

+ Did you know that women are actually only fertile around 7 days each cycle? And that’s mostly because sperm can live in a fertile vagina for up to 5 days.

+ Hormonal birth control alters at least 150 different bodily functions. 

+ FAM is actually very different from the Rhythm Method, and when practiced correctly is over 98% effective.

Tell them why hormonal birth control wasn’t working for you, people are often shocked when you start listing off all the negative side effects you were experiencing and how you don’t have any of those since quitting. 

+ I developed mild depress, anxiety, chronic UTI’s, gained weight, and had a substantial decline in my dental health after starting the pill [just to name a few].

Give them a brief overview of how FAM works. That there are different fertility signs that you track every day and use that information alongside a set of rules and guidelines to determine whether you’re fertile or not. 

Make it clear that this isn’t a guessing game based on past cycles. It’s based in science and what is actually happening in your body. 

And in the end they still might not be on board, but if you continue forward with your journey, learning, practicing the method safely and essentially “prove them wrong” you’d be amazed. 

Sometimes still when I talk about not being on hormonal birth control and using FAM instead people will make some comment about pregnancy or how it doesn’t really work. And my calm comeback is that I have been using it successfully for over 4 years now, I know countless other women who use it too, and that I am much healthier and happier than I used to be. 

Not to mention I don’t ever plan on taking hormonal birth control again. 

At the end of the day it’s your body and your choice. You get to decide. 

[If you're curious about ditching the pill, and what all that entails, grab your spot in my upcoming Ditch the Pill course, which starts August 21st. And if you're ready to learn all about FAM, sign up for my Chart Your Cycle course, which begins August 16th!]