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Surprise!
I was honestly starting to feel like Kylie Jenner keeping this a secret for so long but I was waiting to make this video until we had told all our family and friends. We couldn't be more excited but it's still so surreal that we'll be having a little one joining us so soon.
Enjoy,
Victoria
Today I wanted to share my plan for how I’m cleaning the ol’ house in preparation for little one’s arrival.
First off, I love a good deep clean in any situation, but it feels extra appropriate with the impending due date.
I think any good clean starts with a declutter. And this is something you can do as you move throughout your space to clean it. If you haven’t done any sort of declutter before I (and everyone else) definitely recommend picking up a copy of Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. She takes you through her process and sometimes it’s just easiest to have someone else tell you what to do.
Depending on how far along you are in your pregnancy and how you’re feeling you may or may not be able to do a full declutter. But I recommend it if you can.
I’m not going to go over general tidying but it helps to have everything put away where it goes before pulling the big guns out.
Start with dusting — because gravity, duh! Get up in those ceiling corners to grab any cobwebs that have been built, dust along the top of windows, doors, tall furniture, light fixtures, vents, shelves, tops of frames and art. Top to bottom is the mindset you should have when you should go to each room. It also can’t hurt to give the walls a quick wipe while you’re at it.
Windows — often forgotten in our regular cleaning it’s nice to vacuum up all the dust, bugs and crunches that collect on and in our windows before wiping down the glass.
Light switches and door knobs — do you ever wipe these down? I don’t, but nesting Victoria does. Think of all the people who touch these things and how we never clean them. Yeah, just give them a quick wipe down while you’re in there.
Baseboards — Sometimes I remember to sweep these off, but while you’re in deep clean mode, go ahead and wipe them off. All that dust you’ve wiped off from up above has floated down and settled on them anyways. Plus you always find some sort of dried fluid splatter on them when you get down there close and personal like.
Vacuum — Floors, rugs, furniture, anything you missed when you were dusting. I’d say we all vacuum or sweep most weeks, but don’t be afraid to pick up couch cushions, get under bookshelves and find all those dust bunnies and forgotten pieces of popcorn.
Laundry — wash the bedding, pull down the curtains and throw them in while you’re at it too. And don’t forget about all of babies things. You’re supposed to wash it all before they wear it anyways regardless of whether it’s new or hand-me-downs.
Now, let’s move into room specific cleaning!
Bathroom:
Wipe that mirror, the better to see you with.
Scrub/wipe that sink and counter. Toothpaste and dried spit splatter, need I say more.
Vacuum and wipe any drawers or cabinets. I don’t know about you but I find my hair everywhere.
Ah, the toilet. I like to start by throwing in some toilet bowl cleaner to let it sit and do it’s work while I clean the rest of it. Wipe it down top to bottom, being careful not to miss the bottom of the toilet, below the bowel, where the urine splatter and dust likes to collect. Don’t forget to lift up the lid, and then the seat. And finally grab that trusty toilet brush and give it a good scrub, making sure to get up under the rim.
On to the shower/tub. Not nearly as gross as the toilet, but possibly as dirty. First, take out all the soaps, shampoos and conditioners so it’s empty. I like to spray it down with some water first, and then go in with my cleaner and scrub it out top to bottom before rinsing it again. I’m always surprised with how much dust and soap splatter collects on the flat surfaces.
Kitchen:
Deep clean your dishwasher with some vinegar and baking soda. Take 1 cup of white vinegar and put in a dishwasher safe cup in the middle of the top rack in an empty dishwasher before starting it on its hottest, longest cycle. When that cycle is done, take the cup out, and sprinkle 1 cup of baking soda all over the inside of the machine before putting it on another hot, but short cycle.
How’s your stove and oven looking?
What about that refrigerator? Get rid of any expired food, forgotten about condiments and give it a good scrub down. I try to clean the food out when I come home with new groceries and every few months try to wipe it down. You might even want to pull out the vacuum to suck up any crunchies in your fridge drawers.
Don’t forget about that freezer! Are you going to be breastfeeding, pumping, aka in need of milk storage? It’d be smart to come up with a system before the baby arrives to store that precious breastmilk.
Get in that microwave. But first put in a bowl with 1 cup of water, 1 tablespoon of white vinegar and a squeeze of lemon juice. Set your microwave for 3 minutes at high power. If it’s super gross let that bowl sit for an extra 5 minutes before opening the door to let the steam work it’s magic. And then wipe it down, oohing and ahhing in amazement by how easily it wipes away.
While you’re at it scrub out your sink and faucet with some white vinegar and baking soda. If you have a stinky garbage disposal a great hack is to freeze a few lemon slices in ice cubes to throw on there and hit the disposal switch!
I like to go around and vacuum out my cabinets and wipe out the drawers and shelves while I’m deep cleaning. (This is a great time to declutter what you have in your kitchen. Are there any appliances you just don’t use, old food?)
Laundry Room:
Deep clean your washer with white vinegar and baking soda (notice a theme yet?) Start with 2 cups of baking soda and run it on a hot, long cycle. After that throw in 2 cups of white vinegar (and 10 drops of essential oil if you so fancy, and have some on hand) for another hot, long cycle.
As for your dryer, pull out that dryer lint vent and vacuum out any extra that’s been left behind. If your dryer vent tube if full it’s a good idea to unscrew it and vacuum that out.
Give the machines a good exterior wipe down.
Anywhoooo, that’s the cleaning plan I’ve been working on. What did you do cleaning wise to prep for baby? Let me know down below.
I read a newsletter email the other day from Claire Baker about being productive and on her period. And it made me miss the ebb and flow of my menstrual cycle.
I miss the monthly reset of my period.
I miss the energy boost that comes with the end of my period.
I miss the outgoing, energetic, take on the world mentality of ovulation.
I’ve said it before but pregnancy feels like you’re stuck in your luteal phase.
And I guess that’s because you are.
Your luteal phase is the two(ish) weeks between ovulation and when you start your next period. So, if you get pregnant and don’t start that period you are kind of stuck in luteal limbo.
Normally, the luteal phase is a great reminder to slow down and take it easy on your upcoming period. But being stuck here for 7 months has left me wanting that fresh restart and energy that comes from a new cycle, and I know it’s not coming anytime soon.
I am really curious to see how my body rebalances after giving birth, what my hormones do, and how my cycle returns. But I have to say I’m looking forward to having a cycle again when it comes back.
I’ve had a few people say, “Oh I bet it’s been nice not having a period.” And honestly I like my period. I like my cycle. And I miss it.
I look forward to documenting my returning cycle and fertility after birth and how I’m handling it.
I’m not complaining about being pregnant. It’s been lovely and I’m so grateful that I am. I wouldn’t trade having a monthly cycle for this pregnancy. I’m just excited to get it back, that’s all.
Affirmations aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but they’re something I’ve grown to love over the past few years. And so when it came time to get pregnant, and it wasn’t happening these are some of the phrases I would say out loud to myself. Choose the ones that feel right to you, write them down, and repeat them to yourself.
"My body is amazing and wise. It knows exactly what to do.”
“My womb is warm. My heart is open. My body is ready to carry our baby now.”
“My body is capable and strong.”
"I am healthy. I am beautiful. My body is incredible.”
"I am ready to create life. My body is ready to create life.”
"I’m taking care of myself, preparing my body for a healthy pregnancy.”
“I am enough. My body is enough.”
“My womb is a lush jungle of warmth, love and nourishment.”
"I allow myself to be loved, and to create a new life out of that love.”
"My cycle is balanced. My eggs and fluid are healthy.”
"The most perfect egg is preparing to be released by my ovary, and the most perfect sperm is preparing to fertilize it.”
"I have everything it takes to become pregnant.”
"I’m letting go of any emotional blocks keeping me from conceiving.”
"My body knows how to conceive a healthy baby.”
“I am not upset when others announce their pregnancy. I don’t know their journey to get there.”
“I am fertile!”
“Every time my period comes I celebrate my body for functioning correctly.”
“I join a community of women working towards creating life within their own bodies.”
“My baby will come to me at exactly the right time, in exactly the right way.”
“I speak to myself the same way I would talk to a friend.”
“I am happy. I am healthy. I am ready."
I think there are many of us who head into the journey of trying to conceive pretty naive. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but so many of us end up with a rude awakening to our fertility (but there are plenty who are lucky and conceive right away).
I’m not here to claim I know everything or that I had the same experience that someone who’s been trying to conceive for several years has had. So if you’ve been at this for two years and I offend you by any of my suggestions or anything I say, I apologize. I can only speak from my experience.
Let me start by sharing two previous blog posts if you missed them:
+ My Journey to Pregnancy
+ My D+C Experience After a Blighted Ovum
So, long story short, it took us 11 months of trying, one blighted ovum miscarriage and D+C to get to our little nugget we have now cooking in my belly.
But today I want to talk about those months of trying, the doubts and fears and things I tried to stay sane and carry on with normal life.
Trying to get pregnant is just a lot of waiting. Like, a lot.
Waiting at the beginning of your cycle for your period to end, for your fertile phase, and then waiting to see if you were successful that cycle.
And I quickly came to realize I needed something to distract myself from obsessing over it all.
So, this is just a brain vomit list of all the things that came to mind as I thought back over our journey of trying to get pregnant. But to reiterate, we didn’t have any fertility issues (that we know of) it just took us time. But if you’re struggling with infertility, treatments and all that, feel free to disregard this list.
But, in no particular order:
+ Reading books — I just love reading books in general, but reading was super helpful. When I was in the mood to think about babies and pregnancy I would pick up a book on that topic. When I needed to distract myself and think about something else I was able to find so many great books to just escape into.
+ Hanging out with friends and family — This has been something important for me over the past several years, but you can’t coop yourself up during this process. You need to get out and be social. To talk and think about stuff besides getting pregnant. But it’s also OK to have conversations about it too.
+ Don’t forget about relationship with partner — TTC is always exciting at first. You kind of feel like a rebel, like ooh mom I’m 26 and gonna get knocked up. But it can wear you down real fast. Make sure you’re making time for each other outside of the whole baby making universe. Keep the romance alive, and pay attention to their feelings on the situation.
+ Self-care — Pamper yourself. This means something different to everyone, but paint your nails, give yourself a facial, soak in the bath tub. Set aside some you time. When you’re trying and not getting pregnant you can start to get upset with your body and feel like it’s letting you down. Be kind to your body and mind.
+ Journal — I can’t recommend this enough. Grab a random school notebook with no pressure to be poetic or have good writing. Just sit down and get whatever is inside your head out and onto paper. I promise it helps, so much. Even if you’re not you can feel like pregnancy is all you think about and talk about and people are sick of it. Get all of that out of your head and into your notebook.
+ Meditation — Not everyone’s cup of tea. And even I’m not consistent at it. But when I get really anxious about something (and I was getting anxiety about oh my god what if I can’t ever get pregnant or have a baby of my own?) meditation is so beneficial to just bring you back down to earth and calm your mind and thought process.
+ Create a “registry” — I’ve been working on my baby wish list long before I was pregnant or we were trying to conceive. But there was something soothing about working on my wish list that made me feel good. Like researching the perfect stroller or cloth diaper system made me feel like I was doing something to aid the process. And I would tell myself like when you are pregnant you’re not going to have to worry about all this because it’ll be ready to go.
+ Choose a few things to try out to boost cycle — There is an overwhelming number of recommendations when it comes to what you should be doing TTC. But taking a supplement, cutting something out, etc. can give you that feeling that you’re “doing” something. And it really can’t hurt. I focused on boosting my cervical fluid or healing my luteal phase.
+ Drink your coffee, have your wine, etc. — When we first starting trying I stopped drinking alcohol, coffee, and was kind of anal honestly about being “perfect”. Well that only lasted a few months before I was like Girl calm the fuck down and drink some wine. So, I kept my coffee to the recommended 2 cups of coffee or less a day. And I would let myself drink up until ovulation and then I would take a “just in case” break until my period came again
+ Stop charting — controversial coming from me, I know. But sometimes you have to realize what’s helping the process, and what’s making you crazy. We (I mean, I) was so focused on my chart, when I was fertile and when we were supposed to be having sex that it took all the fun out of it. Michael felt like a stud horse and that I only wanted to be physical with him to get a baby out of the deal. Taking a break from charting was one of the best things we did while TTC, but I still knew when I was most fertile because of my cervical fluid.
+ Creating content ideas list of videos I wanted to make — Ok, this one is specific to content creators. But the whole time we were trying I had all these ideas for blogs, videos, vlogs that I wanted to create and share with you guys. But I couldn’t because I didn’t want to open up about TTC yet. So I just made a killer list of content ideas that has come in super handy now.
+ Avoid forums — Or at least limit yourself to how much time you’re spending on them. There is literally always going to be someone out there with the same exact symptoms as you who is pregnant or not pregnant.
+ Try not to test — This isn’t for everyone, but don’t start testing 8 DPO. You’re going to drive yourself mad cycle after cycle squinting and stressing about tests. For some reason I was always more upset to see a negative test than I was to get my period. So I just made it a rule that I had to wait until I was supposed to get my period before I could take a test. Unless there was some sort of event that I would want to know I was pregnant before (aka thanksgiving day race). But testing gave me so much anxiety and was always such a let down that I just had to not do it.
+ Watch birthing videos — Why not start prepping for labor and birth now? I would have to limit these to when I was in the hopeful mood, and not the crap, my period just came mood. But watching birth vlogs has been something I’ve enjoyed for years. I think it’s great to see a variety of birth stories, styles, options, you name it. Even if you can’t see a live birth before you give birth it’s good to get an idea of what can happen before you’re in that position.
+ Declutter and deep clean house — Maybe I’m just a weirdo but I find deep cleaning and decluttering really soothing. And I always feel really accomplished after it. It’s just another area that you can feel you have control over, when you kind of just feel like you don’t have any control over your TTC journey.
+ Exercise — As much for your mental health as for your physical health. There’s all sorts of benefits both ways, but when you’re feeling upset or frustrated there’s nothing better than going on a hike, run or pumping some weights.
Control what you can, and try your best to let go what you have no control over. There are so many emotions and thoughts wrapped up in the TTC journey. You have to do what’s best for you and your mental well-being because it can be a very stressful and draining experience.
Now that I’m pregnant I try to routinely step back and remind myself of how I felt trying to get pregnant, my worries and fears, and to just tell myself see, you did it, remember this next time something is difficult.
At 17 weeks I had a good cry about my changing body and what had been ingrained in me for my entire life (staying a certain weight). Turns out that watching the scale going up at each appointment gave me mixed feelings, and some major emotions bubbled to surface.
This was something I did not expect at all.
I’m so excited to be pregnant, to grow a baby, to get a belly. But turns out the weight side of things and my changing body triggered some deep underlying emotions I didn’t expect.
And while I’m not doing it for the vanity of it, getting back into exercise now that I’m in my second trimester has been a positive change for many reasons.
I have so much more energy when I’m exercising regularly.
Turns out it’s really good for not only you but that baby you’re growing too.
It makes me feel better about my changing body knowing that I’m keeping it strong and fit, ready for birth and life after that.
Right before I found out I was pregnant I was doing my 30 Day Morning Challenge, which consisted of me exercising first thing every single morning. And it was a great little routine I had going.
But then the anxiety of a recent miscarriage led me to stop exercising all together. I was so worried that pushing myself too hard, lifting too much weight, or squatting was somehow going to hurt my chances of keeping this pregnancy.
And at the time for my emotional well-being the best thing to do was take a break from it.
Well, then I started feeling really crummy in the morning, as most pregnant women do. And this led to the morning not being the time to do my exercise anymore.
And then beyond nausea was my worst pregnancy symptom, exhaustion. I was so unbelievably unenergetic throughout the rest of the day. That made doing anything was hard. Looking back I know exercise would have helped my energy level, but I was just trying to stay afloat back then.
But now that I’m here, and my energy and motivation has returned, I’m so happy to be getting back to exercise.
I checked with my midwife to make sure I didn’t have any restrictions on what I could do. The only thing she said she didn’t want me doing was a really intense ab workout. Michael laughed at that and said don’t worry.
The main thing I wanted to make sure I could do was run when it got warmer out. I really want to do a 12k in May when I will be around 30 weeks pregnant. I always said that one of the first things I wanted to do when I found out I was pregnant was sign up for a race. I need something to work towards and a race provides that for me.
But for now, since it’s still pretty cold out, and I know I won’t go out and run until it’s above freezing I’m limited to what I can do inside.
I started off by just going down to the gym in our building and walking on the treadmill for 10-15 minutes.
Now, I’ve worked up to 15-20 minutes at an incline as well as some weighted or body weight exercises after that. No abs, don’t worry. Just a lot of squats and leg exercises as well as some arm stuff too.
I can’t wait to get outside when it gets warmer and I’m so thrilled that it will be August when baby comes so I can go out on walks with them.
What did exercise look like for you while you were pregnant, and how did that change with each trimester?
[Trigger Warning: Miscarriage talked about in this blog post. So, if you’re sensitive to reading about that maybe wait until you feel you’re ok and ready to read about it. Also I swear I bit in this blog post, but that’s so I can fully share my experience for you. So if you’re offended by that I’m sorry. Ok, into the blog post.]
I always told friends that if I didn’t get pregnant right away I would feel like a failure because cycles and charting is kind of my thing.
Obviously, your knowledge of your cycle doesn’t change your fertility.
And little did I know fertility and conception doesn’t just automatically go quicker because you “know more”.
I remember when one of my best friends was in her first trimester, and I was trying to get pregnant and she said something along the lines of “I’m just worried that I’m going to miscarry, and I know I’ll feel so much better after my 13 week appointment.” And it was the first time it had crossed my mind that there was fear and worry after getting pregnant.
I was so consumed with just getting pregnant that I thought once I checked that off the list that they’re wouldn’t be anything to worry about.
Oh baby, was I wrong.
We first had the talk on a plane ride back from vacation in late 2016 or the start of 2017. Basically, the timeline of when we wanted to have kids and all that exciting stuff. We settled on a fall baby, which would fit perfectly into our schedule for the year. It would be the start of Micahel’s "off season" and would give us plenty of time to just figure out how to be parents, whatever that means.
So, an October baby meant getting pregnant in January.
I dutifully ordered my prenatals to start taking in November of 2017 in preparation. January came, I had my last drink on January 4, stopped drinking caffeine and was ready to get pregnant.
Well the trying came and went, the waiting came and went and my period at the end of that cycle arrived. We were both upset. This isn’t how it was supposed to go, we were going to have an October baby. Well, now we weren’t.
Ok, well maybe it would just take another month or two. I started looking into the statistics of how much quicker couples who charted got pregnant. Cycle came and cycle went, period after period coming and going.
After three months we decided to stop charting. It was in our heads, messing with our relationship and the whole “trying” process. That’s right, I stopped charting my cycle. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t still really freakin’ in tune with my body and my cycle. You just can’t ignore you cervical fluid turns out.
Then, on my birthday, May 24th, I went on a morning run with my mom. And with those first strides my boobs went thu-thump, and I thought “What the?” And I knew, this was different from every other pregnancy symptom I’d convinced myself of over the past five months. This was the real deal. And when we took that pregnancy test a day or two later it confirmed it for me.
I was pregnant.
We were on our way out the door, to put on a race and we spent the drive talking about the exciting what if’s, asking ourselves “when are we supposed to go to the doctor?” and other innocent questions like that.
But we were excited, I had pulled up a “due date calculator” online. January 29th was our day. I started mentally plotting out the timeline of it all. I’d be X weeks pregnant during X time. My second, third trimester would start here and here, and I’d be super pregnant for Christmas.
I was four weeks pregnant when I found out, and I would be another five weeks until my first midwife appointment.
Well, that appointment finally came. I got my goodie bag, I got my physical check up, I got to ask my questions, answer their questions. And just before it was all done, almost as we were walking out the door she asked, Oh, would you like an ultrasound today?
Michael and I looked at each other and replied "Sure!”
We were going to see our baby. The one I had been imagining from the pregnancy books, the week by week app I had installed on my phone.
But this would be ours. We’d get to see them, hear their heartbeat. This was the moment so many parents waited for.
Jelly on the belly, monitor in hand, pushed across my stomach annnddd….
Nothing.
I knew before she said anything.
I had my own eyes.
I knew what the ultrasound should have looked like, where the fetus should have been.
And it wasn’t there.
Nothing was there.
My midwife was pretty quick to speak. She explained where my uterus was, that there was a gestational sac, I was “pregnant”, but there was no baby.
Michael put his camera down, scooted closer, grabbed my hand and I focused on holding my shit together.
We were both blindsided. This was not supposed to happen. I had already waited six, almost seven months for this, and this wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
She explained my options. I responded I would need to think about it.
I just need to get out of there was all I could think.
But they had to draw blood, and then I’d have to come back in two days to get more blood drawn to confirm that my HCG levels were going down.
They were. I was miscarrying.
It would be another two weeks, and one painfully uncomfortable vaginal ultrasound later before I would get booked in for a D&C.
But there was something freeing about that procedure.
On the day we found out, Michael dropped me off back at home, asked for the tenth time if I wanted him to stay home from work and come up with me, but I said no. I honestly just wanted to be alone so I could fully just let it all out. I went upstairs, sat on my bathroom rug, leaned up again my tub, and sobbed uncontrollably.
But eventually I had come to terms with it all. It wasn’t meant to be this time, and I was ready to clear out my uterus, get my first period after that so I could be back at square one and try again.
So the D&C was a great experience. I was ready for it. Yeah there was a lot of waiting, and it ended up costing more than I expected, but it was me getting one step closer to being back to a place I could try again.
Not to mention getting knocked out with general anethsesia was a beautiful thing. I did not want to be conscious for that procedure.
I headed home with those super comfy stretchy underpants (seriously where can I buy a pack of those) and a pad the size of a football wedged between my butt cheeks and sticking painfully to one thigh.
I gave myself diaper rash wearing pads that next week, and had to ask my sister for a butt cream recommendation because damn it was uncomfortable. I ruined at least one pair of underwear because the ol' diaper cream got on it and it apparently doesn’t come out.
I cramped, I bled, but I healed.
And four weeks later my period, my own, real period showed up.
I was so happy with my body.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
This time around I was wiser. I knew not to be so naive. I knew it would take time, and that was ok. And I knew it might not go as planned.
I wondered what it would be like to one day have that experience of seeing your baby for the first time on an ultrasound. (That was my new equivalent to a positive pregnancy test.)
August came and went, so did September and October. But then on my fourth real cycle post D&C a few days before Thanksgiving I decided to take a test.
I knew I had a race to work over the next few days, but I also knew that if I was pregnant I didn’t want to be carrying around heavy things. You see, I life with my uterus I’m pretty sure, bruising the front of my thighs and hips from lugging crates, tables and barricades around.
And if there was a chance that somehow my uterus wasn’t empty, well, I wanted to be a little more careful with it.
Weird things had happened, but I’ve literally convinced myself I was pregnant so many times that I have learned not to trust any “symptom”.
It was a few days before my period so there was a pretty good chance that if I was pregnant a test would tell me.
So, not thinking I was, but hoping nonetheless I peed in my designated pee container (which is in fact a tiny to go tuppaware for your sauce - don’t worry it is only used for this now) and I got out one of my cheap, Amazon pregnancy tests that I had bought in bulk back when we started trying.
I dipped the stick in. One Mississippi…two Mississippi….threeee Mississippi.
Put it on the top of the little test package, told my phone to set an alarm for five minutes, and watched the pee push the pink dye across.
Normally, I would have shoved the stick back in the package, to be hidden from view until my alarm went off. But not this time. I wanted to watch it happen, or not happen. I wanted to know right away.
The dye went across, collected in the control line, and finished it’s journey.
Nothing.
Whelp. At least I knew. And I had kind of known hadn’t I? It was just a precaution. But it was ok. It was just another month, another cycle, another no.
A few moments later, after coming to terms with all of this, I looked back down. What the?! My eyes were playing tricks on me. Those little shits knew where that second line should be. And I swear it was some sort of mirage I was seeing. Giving my some pathetic sliver of hope. Like seeing a lake in the dessert. I could see the faintest, ghost glimmer of where that line should have been.
But it was negative I knew it. I had watched it go across without even hesitating around the test line. The spot where I now swear I could see something.
I looked around, trying to adjust my eyes. Cleanse the palette like I was sniffing some fucking coffee or something.
Ok, look back down.
My eyes aren’t little shits, there’s a line there. It’s light, but fuck, it’s there.
Holy shit, I’m pregnant.
And then I immediately thought, “When am I going to tell Michael?"
You see, he gets stressed during race week (understandably so). And I knew he would want to be fully present to absorb the good news, so I would just have to wait. So, I wandered around, with this huge freaking secret that I couldn’t tell anyone. And trying not to bang my uterus against too many things.
I kept it a secret for five whole days. That’s almost a week. I don’t know how I did it.
But he knew right away, even though I had spent far too long trying to come up with some cute, clever way to tell him. Like it was a marriage proposal or something.
He was guarded, hesitant, and didn’t want to share the news with anyone else. Because we knew it could easily be too good to be true. We needed proof.
So I called my midwife clinic, went in for blood tests again.
And they came back great. My progesterone levels were banging, and my HCG was doubling. Good job body, I thought.
I scheduled in for an ultrasound for 5 and a half weeks, but when we got there and she put in my last period and said, hmm I’ll be surprised if I see anything I immediately said, “I don’t want to do it!” And she was a total sweetie about it.
I rescheduled for one at the very end of 7 weeks. And it turns out that not getting the first scan was a huge turning point. I went into that one at 5 weeks expecting them to say it was a blighted ovum again, that it was all going wrong again, and that there would be no baby, again.
But after saying NO I DON’T WANT TO DO IT something happened. This sense of calm and peace came over me. Why shouldn’t it be fine? Why would I be any different than every other lady that goes on to be pregnant and have their baby?
So, even though I wished I was still blissfully ignorant I wasn’t and couldn’t be. I had to accept reality, and be happy with what I had.
And when I went in for my ultrasound at 7 weeks I knew it was going to be ok. I knew there was going to be a baby.
And there was.
I didn’t get to hear the heartbeat, but she measured with waves or something and it was 160. And the little stinker was measuring 8 weeks 5 days.
So we’ve got a due date again. August 3, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a late July baby instead.
Right in the heart of race season, but it’s going to somehow work out perfectly.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Several weeks later we went in for our first midwife appointment, the place where it had all gone to shit last time. But I was pretty confident. It was all ok. I knew my baby was in there, and we were going to get to hear the heartbeat for the first time.
The appointment went great. The midwife I had was a dream, and when she went to check the heartbeat she warned us that it might take her a minute to find it and to not worry. But as soon as she put the doppler to my stomach there it was. Loud and clear.
Our baby.
Oh also during the physical exam, as she was feeling around she announced “You uterus is nice and full” or something along those lines.
Good job body, you’re doing it.
I’m now 14, almost 15 weeks and feeling great. I remind myself of my gratitude to be pregnant each day and to enjoy the journey. Even all the little aches and pains. I can’t believe I’m already in my second trimester and my little nugget is only 6 months away.
So, if you’re out there in the midst of your own TTC journey just know you’re not alone. There are so so many couples out there going through what you are. We just all do it in silence for some reason. Now that I’m here, I want to talk more about the whole thing.
If there are any topics about trying to get pregnant or being pregnant that you want me to talk about let me know down below.
I absolutely love that FAM can be used for a number of things including natural birth control, learning more about your body, and to get pregnant. Today, I thought it would be interesting for me to share a few of the ways in someone who charts may know they’re pregnant sooner than someone who doesn’t.
The first obvious one for me is that if you chart then you know the average length of your cycle and you know the different lengths it’s fluctuated between.
Now, there are plenty of women who don’t chart that probably know around when to expect their next period, but there are also a countless number who couldn’t answer the questions of how long an average cycle was or when their last period was (that was 100% me before I started charting).
And knowing when you should be starting a new cycle can let you know when to test for a possible pregnancy. And since you’re charting waking temperatures you can see the drop in temperature at the start of a new cycle.
Moving on, you know when you ovulate, and whether you ovulated that cycle. Because obviously if you’re not ovulating you’re not going to get pregnant. You also know if you ovulated earlier or later than normal.
Going along with that you know how long your luteal phase is (average is 14 days, but anywhere between 10 and 16 days is normal). Once you get past, or even close to that 16 day of your LP you know you can test. The luteal phase is rarely longer than 16 days unless the woman is pregnant.
Because you’re charting your cervical fluid you know if you had sex on a fertile day that could result in a possible pregnancy.
And finally, you know what’s normal for you, symptom wise leading up to your menstrual phase. And while a lot of pre-menstrual symptoms are quite similar to pregnancy symptoms, women who chart can have a better knowledge of what is normal because they can chart data beyond temperature and fluid.
Now, I’ve never been pregnant so I can’t say any of this with experience, but these are the ways in which I could see charting coming in handy when it comes to knowing what’s normal for you and when to test. And it makes me curious for when the time does come for me (hopefully) how soon will I be able to tell?
And this doesn't even include all of the amazing ways charting can help you conceive a baby (or avoid it).
If you’ve been pregnant, at what point did you know? Did you chart/practice FAM and did that play a role in you finding out sooner?
I’ve been working my way through a number of books this summer, and I always enjoy with others share their reading lists, so I wanted to do the same for you.
Here are the books I’ve read, and am currently reading:
Nurture Shock by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman
I picked this one up in the Portland airport before flying back down to San Francisco. I am absolutely fascinated by parenting psychology, and will read just about any book on the topic. It talks about how a number of our modern strategies for raising tiny humans are actually backfiring. It talks about sleep, praise, race and so much more!
How to be Bored by Eva Hoffman
I had no idea there were a series of books like this on by The School of Life. She talks all about how we are overactive and overstimulated. In a world when there’s so much happening, and access to distractions is so simple, we need to make sure were stepping back and unplugging at the same time.
Goodbye Things by Fumio Sasaki
I’m a sucker for minimalism books, and there aren’t too many out there (that I’ve discovered yet anyways). This is one man’s journey into minimalism, where he shares different examples of other minimalists, how there’s no right or wrong way to do it, and plenty of tips as well as ways he’s changed since making the transition.
The China Study by T. Colin Campbell and Thomas M. Campbell
This one has been on my wishlist for quite some time, but now a friend and I are reading it together. I knew from the introduction that I was going to like this book. It is jam-packed with information, statistics and studies making the case for a plant-based diet. We’re just a little ways in, but I’m fascinated and excited to keep learning.
Skinny Bitch: Bun in the Oven by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin
I picked this one up in Florida, after our cruise this spring and gobbled it up. I read the original Skinny Bitch years ago, but I’ve been very intrigued with all things pregnancy, fertility, birth and parenting recently and this one is good. It’s like having a chat from a smart, but blunt friend. And not to mention the push to eat plant-based.
The Kind Mama by Alicia Silverstone
One of my favorite pregnancy books so far. I love that she is honest and loving, but also optimistic. There is so much fear around pregnancy and birth. And seeing that I want to have a kid one day, and I plan on being vegan I was curious about what that looked like. So, it has been great to discover a few books of vegan mamas. And not only a vegan pregnancy but natural birth, breastfeeding and gentle parenting. I thoroughly enjoyed this one.
Baby Catcher by Peggy Vincent
A last minute addition to this list, seeing as I just finished this two days ago. I tore through this book in a matter of a few days. It was one that you sat down to start reading, and next thing you knew you were nearly 200 pages in. Peggy is a midwife, and in this book she shares her journey by telling birth stories. I learned a lot about the history of midwifery as well as the potential issues with the future of it. I sometimes wish I would have become a midwife, but I think becoming a doula would satisfy the same curiosity while still allowing me to do other things. A must read.
My reading wish list grows faster than I can keep up with, and I absolutely love reading, researching, learning and discovering new things. What are some of your favorite books you’ve read this summer?
The ultimate fear surrounding our birth control choice:
Unwanted pregnancy.
I have people write me all the time saying they want to quit whatever form of hormonal birth control they’re on because of x, y or z but there is absolutely zero chance that they can handle a unplanned pregnancy at this point in life.
So what are their options, they want to know.
I’m not here to promote unplanned pregnancies.
I just want to say that right now before I go any further, because people jump to conclusions when you start talking about supporting others quitting hormonal birth control and learning how to chart.
I’m here to promote knowledge.
Because so many of us don’t know much of anything about how our fertility works.
And so naturally if you don’t know how the menstrual cycle and fertility works, I can totally see how people think charting is some dangerous hippy method.
But if you take the time to learn about your body, learn how your fertility actually works, thoroughly learn a charting method, and practice that method correctly every time, you can ditch those synthetic hormones and still be responsible and effective in preventing pregnancy.
Others think that to use a charting method, and avoid pregnancy that they can never have sex. And this is something I wanted to throw in here today.
There is a seven day period that you are “fertile” every month.
But I think we need to talk about something else here. There is so much more beyond penetration when it comes to “sex”. I honestly think people forget about the amazing spectrum of sexual activity that comes along with being “intimate” with someone.
My advice, quit being a bore. Use those seven days to think outside the box that is penis in vagina sex. Yeah it’s awesome, but that shouldn’t be the only thing on the menu.
So, get out there, learn about your body and learn about your sexuality too.
And just remember that regardless of what method of birth control you are on, hormonal or not, there is going to be a small chance of pregnancy. So, yes I know, pregnancy would be just about the worst thing possible for a lot of you out there. But by having sex with someone you are making that choice to put yourself into the lottery for an unwanted pregnancy.
Regardless of what method you’re using, learn all you can about it, how it works to prevent pregnancy and how to use it correctly and therefore effectively.
Oh, and finally, don’t forget about protecting yourself against STI’s, because most birth control options do nothing to keep you from catching something someone else has. So many think that being on the pill or having an IUD is all they have to do to be safe and responsible. Get tested and use condoms.
My older sister is currently pregnant with what will be the first baby born in my family since my youngest brother was born…21 years ago.
Let’s just say I’m very, very excited for that little munchkin to arrive.
And at the same time I’ve had so many thoughts and questions popping into my head about pregnancy and birth. So, naturally I’ve turned to books. Honestly, people probably think I’m the pregnant one!
One of my favorite baby related book I’ve read so far is “The Kind Mama” by Alice Silverstone. The whole time I was reading it I found myself just shaking my head “Yes, yes!”
It was incredible how right everything she was saying felt to me.
She takes you through using a vegan diet to boost your fertility, nourish your pregnancy and heal you after birth. I found this book because I was researching books about having a vegan pregnancy because obviously that is something I want to do, but I want to do it correctly.
She also talks about breastfeeding and kind parenting, keeping toxic chemicals and other not so good for you things away from you and your family.
Not to mention nourishing, delicious looking recipes to support you through the entire process.
I loved how open and honest she was about everything. And on top of that how positive and loving she was. While many women are very excited to be pregnant they seem to have a very rough go at pregnancy, labor and birth.
Reading through this book sparked so many internal questions I had about when that time comes for me. I’ve known I want to do it a certain “way”, but actually seeing the potential for what that could be was amazing.
Things like having a vegan pregnancy, natural home birth, breastfeeding, healing after birth and raising happy, healthy kiddos free of dangerous ingredients and chemicals.
I’m definitely romanticizing motherhood, but to be honest it’s something I can’t wait for. Especially now that my sister has started her journey.
And when the time comes The Kind Mama will be one of the books I pick up to reread.
