VIDEO | Charting After Birth, Cycle Returning + Getting Pregnant With Baby #2

Birth control and trying to conceive a baby isn't as black and white as I thought it was before we started trying for our first baby. There's a spectrum of intention that influences how "safe" you are or how "hard" you're trying to get pregnant. I also talk about my cycle returning postpartum, how I handled charting, and how conceiving baby #2 was a much different experience for us.

Enjoy,

Victoria

The Fear of Pregnancy

The ultimate fear surrounding our birth control choice: 

Unwanted pregnancy. 

I have people write me all the time saying they want to quit whatever form of hormonal birth control they’re on because of x, y or z but there is absolutely zero chance that they can handle a unplanned pregnancy at this point in life. 

So what are their options, they want to know.  

I’m not here to promote unplanned pregnancies.

I just want to say that right now before I go any further, because people jump to conclusions when you start talking about supporting others quitting hormonal birth control and learning how to chart. 

I’m here to promote knowledge. 

Because so many of us don’t know much of anything about how our fertility works. 

And so naturally if you don’t know how the menstrual cycle and fertility works, I can totally see how people think charting is some dangerous hippy method. 

But if you take the time to learn about your body, learn how your fertility actually works, thoroughly learn a charting method, and practice that method correctly every time, you can ditch those synthetic hormones and still be responsible and effective in preventing pregnancy. 

Others think that to use a charting method, and avoid pregnancy that they can never have sex. And this is something I wanted to throw in here today. 

There is a seven day period that you are “fertile” every month. 

But I think we need to talk about something else here. There is so much  more beyond penetration when it comes to “sex”. I honestly think people forget about the amazing spectrum of sexual activity that comes along with being “intimate” with someone. 

My advice, quit being a bore. Use those seven days to think outside the box that is penis in vagina sex. Yeah it’s awesome, but that shouldn’t be the only thing on the menu. 

So, get out there, learn about your body and learn about your sexuality too.

And just remember that regardless of what method of birth control you are on, hormonal or not, there is going to be a small chance of pregnancy. So, yes I know, pregnancy would be just about the worst thing possible for a lot of you out there. But by having sex with someone you are making that choice to put yourself into the lottery for an unwanted pregnancy. 

Regardless of what method you’re using, learn all you can about it, how it works to prevent pregnancy and how to use it correctly and therefore effectively. 

Oh, and finally, don’t forget about protecting yourself against STI’s, because most birth control options do nothing to keep you from catching something someone else has. So many think that being on the pill or having an IUD is all they have to do to be safe and responsible. Get tested and use condoms. 

How I Chart My Cycle | Natural Birth Control

One of the biggest misconceptions about charting your cycle is that there is only one way to do it.

And this is pretty limiting because if you believe this and think you don’t fall within that certain method that you can’t chart. 

But there are so many different, amazing methods, variations and not to mention all the new technological advances that have been made.

I really do believe that there is a method for everyone. 

I started with the sympto-thermal method, which combines temperature and fluid. In the beginning I also used paper charts before switching to charting apps. I then used a fluid-only method for awhile, then temperature-only with the Daysy. 

So, what have I currently settled on for my Goldilocks charting method? 

I use the sympto-thermal method combined with the Daysy fertility monitor. The reason I like this so much is because I get so much confidence and security from both the sympto-thermal method and Daysy separately. So, using them in conjunction with each other has been really reassuring. 

With the symptom-thermal method you take your basal body temperature every morning at the same time. Two rules to note beyond having to take it at the same time is that you have to do it first thing before getting out of bed, even before just hanging out in bed for 30 minutes before getting up. The other rule is that you have to take your temperature after at least four hours of sleep. 

I used to just take my BBT (basal body temperature) with a simple BBT thermometer from the drugstore. But since getting the Daysy, that has become my thermometer in every sense. 

Not only does it calculate your fertility on its own, it also provides you with a temperature (after syncing it to the app) that you can then use in a more traditional charting method. 

And I take that temperature from my Daysy each day and put it into the Kindara app on my phone, where I also chart my cervical fluid each day, along with a slew of other things. 

So each time I go to the bathroom I will quickly check my fluid before going to the actual bathroom. It takes an extra like 5-10 seconds. Easy.

Some days I wish the Daysy had a digital screen that displayed your temperature, but usually I don’t mind spending the extra 30-60 seconds it takes to sync it to the app in my phone where you can get the temperature. 

All in all I’m very happy with my current method, and I love knowing there are a variety of methods and technologies for charting. 

Charting my cycle has taught me so much about my body, and I love that I can use the same exact method when the time comes that I am ready to try and get pregnant. Which is when a lot of women first start learning about their menstrual cycle. 

[Disclaimer: This post does not teach you FAM. I mention how to take your temperature and fluid, but don’t mention any of the rules.]

[Use the code “FEMME” at checkout to save some money on your Daysy]

I'm Learning About Libido + You Should Too

I’ve come to the realization, from research and reflection that I let my libido slip away without questioning it, disconnecting myself from that aspect of my body. Female libido is quite taboo to talk about, even among friends.

We don’t discuss what we enjoy, what we don’t, our orgasms or lack thereof, and heaven forbid we mention the word masturbation. 

We think it’s just something we’re supposed to know about, but not talk about. 

And we do this all subconsciously. Or at least I did. None of this even crossed my mind until I started looking into the connection of hormonal birth control and libido. But it was then that I was like, girl you have a lot of work to do on yourself. 

So, today I’m going to share three books I’ve been working my way through and a website that every women should spend some time with. 

+ Pussy — The book that started all of this. It opened to my eyes to the issue at hand in my personal life, but also broadened my horizons to the fact that there are plenty of resources out there for education, and enlightenment. 

+ Extended Massive Orgasm — An overwhelming, somewhat cringeworthy title when you first say it out loud, but I think it’s a staple read for those exploring their sensuality. And depending on your level of comfort with this topic I suggest keeping this book for an at home read (unless of course you’d like to have a conversation starter on hand). 

+ She Comes First — This one I worked my way through in a matter of days. I found myself laughing, with happiness, at the information I was learning. Mostly how much more involved the clitoris is in the female anatomy then I ever knew before.  

+ Come As You Are — I’m still working my way through this one, but it’s worth sharing. It’s a book based on cutting edge research which shines a light on to female sensuality/sexuality, and what factors play a role into it. 

+ OMGyes — This is one of my favorite discoveries. It’s one thing to read about it, but entirely another thing to here real women discuss masturbation, orgasms and what gives them pleasure. I have heard about this site before but never felt compelled to check it out. The other day though I saw Emma Watson talking about it in my newsfeed, which led me to type it into my search bar. (Ah, the power of marketing). It is such a refreshing discussion, and done in such an amazing way. It doesn’t feel pornographic at all. 

I think that something else that comes along with education is discovery. And while yes this means putting it to practice (I promise it’s a lot more fun than you think at first), this also means sitting with your thoughts, feelings and preconceived notions about your sexuality, sensuality and libido. It’s not always fun to dig into the past, but it helps to pull out a journal, and word vomit your thoughts. 

Ask yourself questions like:

+ What was your first sensual/sexual experience? Was it solo or with a partner? Was it wanted, or done because you felt pressured? 

+ How was female masturbation viewed and talked about around you growing up? Did anyone even talk about it? 

+ When you first started partaking in sexual activities with a partner, how did you approach it? Did you hand over the reins, or did you direct because you knew what you liked? 

+ How did your view of your own body effect how you approached and enjoyed sexual encounters? Did you worry about what your vagina looked like, your pubic hair, how your stomach looked in certain positions? 

+ What was your first orgasm like? What do you remember about this experience? 

+ When did you start to find your confidence in your sexuality? 

+ Did you ever notice your libido disappear? What do you think caused this? What did you do, if anything, to get it back? 

+ Where is your relationship with all of this at today? 

I could go on and on with questions. Just start writing without any goal in mind. I just want you to get as much of it as possible out of your head and onto paper. You’ll be surprised with what bubbles to the surface. 

[If you want to connect to your body in another way, you could look into learning how to chart your menstrual cycle. I offer an easy, insightful course for newbies, as well as one to help those of you struggling with making that leap to get off hormonal birth control. — Affiliate links included in this article.]

My Daysy + Its Role in My Birth Control

A quick little post today because I just wanted to come on here and talk about the Daysy fertility computer and how I've incorporated it into my birth control method.

I use the sympto-thermal method, which means I take my temperature and track my cervical fluid daily, and use those two fertility signs combined along with a particular set of rules and guidelines to know whether I am fertile or not. 

Before getting the Daysy I just used a simple basal body thermometer, which I recommend for anyone wanting to try out FAM to see if it’s right for you. 

There are so many different methods and tools to apply those methods that it’s really quite amazing how customizable FAM is to the individual lady. 

The Daysy alone is 99.3% effective just by taking your temperature. I like to combine it with also charting my cervical fluid. 

It takes a lot of that anxiety away that comes along with trusting your ability to know you fertility. 

FAM has legit changed my life and I really enjoy sharing my knowledge of the sympto-thermal method with other gals like myself. 

If you want to learn more about FAM and whether it’s a good fit for you (it is) you can take my Chart Your Cycle course which is now available as a PDF download. 

And if you want to snag a Daysy for yourself you can save some of your moolah (money) thanks to me. Just use the code FEMME at checkout. 

Hormonal Birth Control + Nutrition

We hear all of the time about the importance of nutrition. To make sure we are getting enough vitamins and minerals. To eat a diet of whole foods, i.e. fruits, vegetables, seeds, nuts, beans, legumes, etc.

But what if I were to tell you that your hormonal birth control could really be screwing with how well your body is able to absorb the nutrients? 

Because it does. 

It messes with our bodies ability to function at it’s best level of health. One way it does this is by creating vitamin deficiencies and keeps our body from properly absorbing key nutrients .

Below is a list of nutrients disturbed by hormonal birth control. Just take a moment to scroll through before continuing to read. 

— vitamin A

— vitamin B1

— vitamin B2

— vitamin B6

— vitamin B9

— vitamin B12

— vitamin C

— Biotin

— Bioflavonoids

— Vitamin E

— vitamin K

— Iron

— Calcium

— Magnesium

— Potassium

— Selenium

— Copper

— Zinc

— Prostaglandins

— Blood Lipids

— Serum Proteins 

Holy cow, right?

But if that isn’t enough to worry you, let’s take a minute to go through a few of those and what role they play. [I pulled all these facts from “The Pill” and “Sweetening The Pill”]

So, your B vitamins, folic acid, iron and magnesium are all vital for neurological and emotional health. 

When you have reduced vitamin B1 it can leave you feeling fatigued, weak, with insomnia, vague aches and pains, weight loss, depression, irritability, lack of initiative, constipation, oversensitivity to noise, loss of appetite or sugar cravings, and circulatory problems. And that’s only one vitamin.

When your vitamin B2 is lowered it can lead to gum and mouth infections, dizziness, depression, eye irritation, skin problems and dandruff. If you’ve ever listened to me talk about my experience you may have heard me mention how I got eight cavities in my first year on the pill. 

And the list goes on and on and on when it comes to hormonal birth control messing with your nutrients. If you’re still interested I urge you to go look up the roles these nutrients play in every aspect of your health and well-being, and then sit there and think about the fact that we’re screwing around with all of them. 

I heard it mentioned once that we view health as an outward appearance. “Oh, she looks really healthy.” But why are we trading that off for what’s going on inside of our body. It can only be a matter of time before this catches up with us. 

No matter how healthy and diligent you are with what you’re eating, it almost doesn’t matter because you aren unable to absorb it all when you’re on hormonal birth control. 

But food is a vital part of the process of healing when you make that decision to quit hormonal birth control. Remember that.  

Don't Be Scared into Taking Hormonal Birth Control

It’s almost a right of passage to get on hormonal birth control these days. 

Not to mention it’s touted as a fix all cure for females.

Do you suffer from acne, irregular cycles, cramping, heavy periods, a fear of pregnancy — easy, just take the pill!

It’s handed over without any real warning of the possible negative side effects. Or I know it was for me, back in 2009. 

Now, I’m not telling everyone to go and throw out there hormonal birth control. But if you are fed up with the negative side effects, looking for a natural alternative, or curious about what else is out there — there are non-hormonal options that no one really talks about. 

And if you have recently come off HBC, or are ready to, but now find yourself seconding guessing your decision because of all this news about how every woman in America should go out and get an IUD — screw that. 

I understand that this is coming from a place of concern for women’s reproductive rights starting in 2017, but I don’t think it’s fair women are being scared into something that might not be right for them.

Now, if you are a lady who is on hormonal birth control and has no desire to change that any time soon, then sure, go out and get that IUD. You do you, boo. 

But if you don’t fall into that category, listen here.

There is an incredible community of women across the country and around the world who are supporting one another through love, understanding and knowledge. 

I am part of that community, and if you’re reading this you’re also a part of that community. 

I am here to support you, to share everything I know with you so you can make the best decision for yourself.

My goal is informed choices. I think the choices should be available to every woman, but that the necessary information should also be available so women can make informed decisions. These two things need to go hand in hand. 

If you want to start (or keep) using FAM as your birth control method of choice, I am here to support you with that decision. It has been an empowering choice I have lived with for over three years.

And once I got past those first few weeks of initial fear and wondering if I had made the right decision quitting the pill, I have never looked back.

It is such a freeing thing to be in control of your own fertility, and to basically put your middle finger up to those trying to take away women’s rights.

This is the time to come together as a community, to support and love one another with the decision we want to make. 

If you find yourself in this position of being scared about your fertility options going forward I am here for you. 

I invite you to email me, head to my contact page to send me a message, or comment on this post, and I will do my best to keep up with your messages.

I may not have all the answers, but I promise I can help instill a bit more confidence in yourself. And love — I’ve got plenty of that for you. 

Can You Chart Your Cycle While on Hormonal Birth Control?

Towards the end of your journey with hormonal birth control you may be wondering, can I start charting while still on it, while I learn the in’s and out’s of FAM. Here’s my answer for you — Yes, and No. 

Boo. I know. What a boring answer, but stick with me.

Here's why you “can’t” chart your cycle while still on hormonal birth control: 

+ your chart isn’t going to look right...

+ most forms of hormonal birth control keep you from ovulating so there won’t be that spike in temperature

+ because your body is being tricked into essentially thinking it’s pregnant you probably won’t notice a big change in your cervical fluid while you’re on it.

But, in better news, Yes! Start charting your cycle as you end your relationship with hormonal birth control:

+ practice taking your temperature, checking your fluid and marking it on your chart

+ get in the habit of doing this. Every. Single. Day.

+ educate yourself before taking the leap

+ if you have a partner, get them on board

+ find a supportive group, even if that’s online (#femmehead)

+ and finally get excited to have a menstrual cycle again, and a real period

So, while you can’t technically chart your cycle because you won’t have those changes in fertility signs, you can darn well start practicing and get comfy in your new lifestyle change.  And if you're even more curious about this transition — keep your eye open for my new course, all about coming off  hormonal birth control, which I'm looking to debut in early 2017.