"I'm a Fraud" Means You're Doing Something Right

fraud (noun)

- wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain

- a person or thing intended to deceive others, typically by unjustifiably claiming or being credited with accomplishments or qualities. 

Imposter syndrome, imposter phenomenon or fraud syndrome is when high-achieving individuals are unable to accept or internalize their accomplishments and have this persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. 

It’s like we can’t accept that we’re good at something, or that we know more about something than the general public, and the biggest fear of it comes from this idea of being “found out” and that someone out there is going to see you for the fraud you are and expose you, ruining your reputation.  

Even just writing about this is giving me that same feeling of anxiety. It’s like somehow just writing about this is going to expose me. How ridiculous is that? 

I feel it most right before I’m going to put out a big project, or start a coaching session with a new client. Both of which I’ve been doing quite a bit of lately.

And what have I found to help? To mostly ignore it, to repeat over and over to myself, you are not a fraud, you are not a fraud, you are not a fraud. 

I distinctly remember feeling this as I ran down the side of a mountain in Poland with Michael. I was wearing a garbage bag as a rain jacket, my tennis shoes destroyed with mud, and I just said out loud, almost shouting, “I am a fraud! I do not belong here! What was I thinking hiking up the side of this mountain?"

But life is about putting ourselves into those situations where we feel like frauds. It’s how we grow. 

We have our comfort zone — that safe, cozy, warm little box full of all the things we know we’re good at and places we feel comfortable in. But the challenge, and the goal in life, is reaching for something that’s just outside that box, grabbing it, learning about it, accomplishing it, showing ourselves we can do it.  And our little box of comfort grows a bit bigger as we add that thing to it. But then you have to reach out again, and again for things that make you feel that discomfort, that fear. 

It’s a terrifying thought, but oh the feeling that comes along with succeeding? It feels so good. 

Here’s some thoughts I wanted to leave you with:

+ know that this exists, and it is a byproduct of success

+ almost everyone experiences it, from average gals to mega celebrities

+ don’t discount compliments and positive feedback

+ accept the fact that you’re good at something

+ quit comparing yourself to those around you

+ accept that perfection does not exist

+ quit avoiding situations that you think you aren’t qualified for, go after them

+ deconstruct what recent success, big project, accomplishment spurred these feelings

What was a recent time that you felt like a "fraud", what spurred that feeling, and what did you do about it? 

My Body Wakes Me Up on My Period

It doesn’t always happen but it happens 99% of the time. 

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night because you had too much water, or whatever, to drink before bed? As toddlers we wet the bed every now and then as we were being potty trained, learning to recognize the signals our bodies were giving us to tell us that we needed to go to the bathroom. 

So, we wake up to go to the bathroom instead of wetting the bed, but have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and just knew that you were on the verge of leaking? (blood, I’m talking about period blood here)

Almost every month it happens, usually just one night, that heavy day of my period. 

I’ll just wake up on my own, and head on into the bathroom to empty out my cup, and it’s always super full, on the verge of leaking. And maybe it’s just me, but how freakin’ cool is that? 

And hey, there’s always that time every now and then when I don’t wake up, and leak out and all over my bed. It happens, but more often than not I wake up knowing I need to change. 

Another interesting occurrence is how I always start my period in the morning, first thing after I get out of bed and go to the bathroom. It’s always started like that. And even if I don’t look at the temperature on my thermometer before going I just “know” it’s going to come. I can feel it. 

I know I’m not alone in thinking these little quirks of having a period are absolutely fascinating. What is it about your period that interests you? I challenge you to take a moment to think about it, write it down or just say it out loud to no one in particular.  

My Daysy + Its Role in My Birth Control

A quick little post today because I just wanted to come on here and talk about the Daysy fertility computer and how I've incorporated it into my birth control method.

I use the sympto-thermal method, which means I take my temperature and track my cervical fluid daily, and use those two fertility signs combined along with a particular set of rules and guidelines to know whether I am fertile or not. 

Before getting the Daysy I just used a simple basal body thermometer, which I recommend for anyone wanting to try out FAM to see if it’s right for you. 

There are so many different methods and tools to apply those methods that it’s really quite amazing how customizable FAM is to the individual lady. 

The Daysy alone is 99.3% effective just by taking your temperature. I like to combine it with also charting my cervical fluid. 

It takes a lot of that anxiety away that comes along with trusting your ability to know you fertility. 

FAM has legit changed my life and I really enjoy sharing my knowledge of the sympto-thermal method with other gals like myself. 

If you want to learn more about FAM and whether it’s a good fit for you (it is) you can take my Chart Your Cycle course which is now available as a PDF download. 

And if you want to snag a Daysy for yourself you can save some of your moolah (money) thanks to me. Just use the code FEMME at checkout. 

Setting Yourself Up For Success

Today I want to talk about things I do that are part of the process of getting shit done and going places in my life. I look back to just a few years ago when I had no direction in life and how I started and spent my days then vs. how I do now, and it’s a pretty staggering difference.

So I wanted to share my top 10 tips for setting yourself up for success. 

Stay organized — this has been a game changer. I always kept a planner throughout school to keep track of my due dates, activities and work schedule, but just in the past year and really actually the past few months I’ve taken it to the next level. I am a visual person so I like writing it all down where I can have it laid out in front of me. I do that in a few ways. On my computer I use Evernote to house all of my notes for blog posts, videos etc. Everything you see online comes from Evernote. I have created different notebooks for my YouTube channel, my website and my different courses. From here it is all easily searchable and accessible in one place. The other powerhouse to my organization operation is my bullet journal, which is a recent upgrade from a standard planner. I have a simple monthly spread complete with my five goals for that month, my content calendar for FemmeHead, a financial page to make my five money goals for the month as well as track all of my money coming in and going out each day. I have a brain dump where I put all of my ideas, things that need to get done, etc. I have a gratitude page because I think finding your sparkly bits each day is important. And then from there I have weekly spreads were I have a little weekly overview calendar for work, events, etc. a place for my five goals of the week and then I go into Monday with my tasks, etc. Having this bullet journal has been a life changer. I have been so much more productive and focused, it’s incredible. 

Keep your home tidy — Take time every single day to do a quick tidy. For me that is 15-30 minutes each morning where I make my bed, and then put any dishes, clothes, etc away from the day before. My mind functions so much better when I know there isn’t clutter sitting around my house. Right now we are going through some of Michael’s storage so there’s stuff out in the living room that can’t go back quite yet because we’re sorting through it and I’m really trying to not focus on it. I also like to take one day a week and do a deeper clean including vacuuming, wiping things down and doing laundry which can take like two or three hours, but it’s worth it. Just stay on top of it. 

Practice Minimalism — The above task is so much easier when you start with minimalism. Get rid of the crap you don’t want or need, and believe me there’s a lot of it when you’re first starting off. From there make sure every single item in your home has it’s dedicated spot, which makes cleaning easier. This isn’t about living in an empty white box with no belongings. I still have quite a bit of stuff, but it all has a purpose. I don’t keep things just to keep things. I only have stuff I love or need. And I’m not perfect at it, no one is. Don’t be hard on yourself because it’s process and often times it’s more about the journey. And minimalism has carried over into so many other aspects of my life — how I choose to spend my time, who I have kept in my life (friend wise), what I spend my money on, etc. Having less and doing less has allowed me to accomplish so much more in my life. 

Meditate — It’s something that I’ve wanted to add to my daily routine for years, but was unsuccessful for the longest time. It wasn’t until I discovered the guided meditation app, Headspace, that I was able to do it daily. [Not a sponsored post, I just really love the app]. It worked out so well in those first, free 10 days that I went ahead and got the yearly subscription. Doing this in my morning routine is one of those things that really sets me up for a productive, focused day. I feel much more level headed and open minded after I have done this in the morning. For others it may fit better into another time in their day but it works best for me in the morning. My routine is very important to me, and controls how the rest of my day goes. If I wait until bedtime to meditate it almost holds no power over anything, and I often fall asleep during it. 

Journal — I have been doing it for seven years, ever since I studied abroad in Thailand. It’s like therapy to me. And it’s a great way to document experiences, trips, and your life in general. I am able to read the thoughts and emotions of 19-year old Victoria and it’s such a weird, cool experience. And it helps remind me how far I have come if I’ve ever having a bad day. I journal in a few ways. I have a journal that is a bit more sacred than the rest which important thoughts, events and experiences go into. It’s not a daily thing. Something I do do every morning is write in my morning pages journal. It’s always just a random old notebook (I got a stack of them from my mom’s house) and it’s just three pages of streaming conscious thoughts. It’s a way for me to clear out all of the gunk from the day before, and it really allows me to be more clear and focused throughout the day when I don’t have those random thoughts floating around. And the final way I journal, is with my camera — filming trips, adventures and events that I want to remember or share. 

Lifestyle [diet, activities, sleep] — I used to eat cupcakes for meals, for days at a time. You can probably imagine the effect that had on me. Now, I keep a vegan diet and try and pack as many nutritious, unprocessed foods as possible into it. I’m not perfect and I do allow some wiggle room for the occasional junk food or dessert, but I focus on keeping it clean. I only partake in activities that will benefit and enrich my life. I have no issue with saying no. I don’t go out an party on the weekends, I don’t go out to eat frequently, those sort of things. And finally I keep a regular sleep schedule because I know how much sleep impacts my days. Some people can function off of four hours, I need eight. All of these things effect my energy, my body, my focus, motivation, everything. You have to respect your body and your mind, and make sure you are taking care of it through your lifestyle. 

Practice Gratitude — It was something that Michael introduced to me. I think even on our first date he was like, Ok let’s take a few moments to breathe and reflect on the day and then we’ll take turns sharing what moment we’re grateful for. And we still do this every now and then, but I do it on my own too. I have two pages every month in my bullet journal dedicated to my sparkly bits and every night I take a few moments to reflect on the day and find that moment I am thankful for. Doing this regularly just makes you a more optimistic, happy rainbows and unicorns sort of person. You start noticing moments throughout your days, and you’re like Oh, that could be my moment today. I don’t know it’s just a really cool process. 

Stay curious [never stop learning] — This may sound silly, but it’s something I live by. I think of everything I have taught myself and learned since leaving school and it’s astounding. If you have a question, find yourself the answer. If there’s something you’re interested in, go get a book from the library, research it online, watch videos, read blog posts and watch documentaries. I’m always searching to better myself. Not because I don’t like who I am or that I’m not proud of where I’m at in life, but just because I know there is so much that I still don’t know. And along these lines, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone. Even if you think there’s absolutely no way they would ever respond back, take the plunge and write them. I have connected to so many amazing people this way. 

Allow yourself to slow down during your period — Discovering the difference between the menstrual phases, emotionally and physically was a game changer. It all finally made so much more sense. When you listen to your body it’s amazing how much smoother it all goes. When I allow myself to slow down during my period and really just take it easy I am greeted with a happier period, less irritability, cramps, PMS, fatigue, etc. And when I take that time during my period to just kind of hermit myself off from the world I am rewarded throughout the rest of my cycle with more energy. You can only push yourself so far for so long before you’re going to crash and burn. Take the time to slow down, reflect on the past month, and think about what you want to accomplish in the coming month. 

Make time for friends + things outside of “work” — Especially when you start working for yourself, allowing yourself to stop working is a lesson that needs to be learned right away. I could waste away day after day tinkering around with “work” related tasks that really don’t need to be done and have no real impact on it all. Each day I pick out the top five things that I need to do that day to succeed and I tick those off first thing after my morning routine. Then depending where I am at in the day I will head to my brain dump page and see what else I can accomplish, but if I have to stop after those five tasks I will feel satisfied with my day. I allow my afternoons, and sometimes early mornings for friends and family. Whether that’s meeting up for a coffee or drinks and a movie, I try to meet up with people at least once a week. Because if not I would stay in my apartment and never leave. 

Phew, that was quite a bit wasn’t it, but these are some of the most important things in my life that I swear by. What are yours? 

Making Monthly Resolutions With Your Built-in Life Coach

There’s a Nike ad that says “Don’t Make a Resolution, Make Yourself”. 

And I have to let you in on a little secret, I have never made a New Years Resolution. 

I don’t believe in them. I don't think they work. They just seem destined to fail. Well, go really well for a month or two, and then fail. 

I think you should be constantly striving to better yourself throughout the year, not just once a year. 

And this got me thinking. 

Most women have no idea that their menstrual cycle provides them with the perfect structure for monthly “resolutions”.

It’s true. 

I’ve talked about the four different phases before — menstrual, follicular, ovulatory and luteal. 

But if you are able to listen to your body, you already have a built in system for monthly reflection, goal setting, and execution. 

The book that inspired this thought — “The Optimized Woman”. 

So, during your period you’re best at doing some internal thinking and reflection, letting go and rethinking your goals. 

Next comes the follicular phase when you should set your goals for the month after reflecting on the previous month during your period. Then once you set a goal, really look into HOW you are going to achieve that goal. What are the tangible steps each day that you can take to help you succeed? You will be focused and able to have clear, concentrated thinking as well as more energy. 

After that is the ovulatory phase. I view this as the social phase. You’re going to be great at getting out there and making the connections and building the relationships that are going to help you achieve those goals. You are also going to be more productive and relatable, not to mention this is the most confident time of your cycle. 

The final phase before the cycle begins again is your luteal phase. You will feel more inspired, creative and able to problem solve issues that arise. Use this phase to brainstorm new ideas and solutions for the future and upcoming month. What did you struggle with during the month, and how can you solve that or fix it in the future? 

I have heard the menstrual cycle described as having your own built in life-coach. And who doesn’t want one of those? Hell, people pay big bucks for them, and do you know why? Because they’re worth it.

So, give your own personal coach a go, why don’t you.  

Cleaning | Clutter Drives Me Bonkers

It’s true. It drives me nuts. I can’t think clearly. I have a really hard time focusing, and I am about half as productive as normal when I can see things out of place, or know that something is messy. 

And this is nuts considering I was once the girl who couldn’t see her bedroom floor because there was a layer of clothing covering the tile. I would dig through my “faux” carpet to find outfits and things I had lost. 

But I have started to become a bit anal when it comes to things being clean. Like right now, I have the dishes and such still out from making myself some coffee, and I keep looking over at it. I know in the back of my head that our bed isn’t made and that there are dirty clothes sitting at the bottom of my closet (I’m waiting on my new laundry basket to come in the mail). 

I have discovered that my brain just functions SO MUCH better when things are neat and tidy around me. 

It’s like writing my morning pages. I pull all of the gunk out of my head and put it onto the paper. And something about this process tidies up my mind, which then prepares me to stay focused and on task during the day. 

I also have noticed that if I’m stressed or having an uncomfortable conversation I start tidying up. It’s like a nervous, soothing tick I’ve developed. 

But it’s crazy to me, because I used to be the most unorganized, cluttered person. 

By no means am I at the level of going on the show "Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners”, but this has just been a big flip flop on my end. And I know OCD is not a laughing/joking matter, I would never dream of diminishing what those with OCD go through. 

I guess part of me is starting to feel like my mother, which is always a weird thing to notice. 

And I’m not mad about any of this.

No, quite the contrary. Becoming a tidy, organized person has revolutionized how I think, how productive I am — focused, creative, etc. I’m actually quite thankful that I have made this small habit change because it has helped me immensely with how much I am able to accomplish in a day’s time. 

This fits into my daily/weekly routine a few different ways. Firstly, I have found that I like taking 15-20 minutes every morning to do a quick tidy, which includes making the bed, putting away any clothes, and cleaning up anything in the kitchen that I missed from the night before. I also really enjoy a weekly deeper clean where I vacuum, dust and wipe things down. 

How do you tidy? 

Hormonal Birth Control + Nutrition

We hear all of the time about the importance of nutrition. To make sure we are getting enough vitamins and minerals. To eat a diet of whole foods, i.e. fruits, vegetables, seeds, nuts, beans, legumes, etc.

But what if I were to tell you that your hormonal birth control could really be screwing with how well your body is able to absorb the nutrients? 

Because it does. 

It messes with our bodies ability to function at it’s best level of health. One way it does this is by creating vitamin deficiencies and keeps our body from properly absorbing key nutrients .

Below is a list of nutrients disturbed by hormonal birth control. Just take a moment to scroll through before continuing to read. 

— vitamin A

— vitamin B1

— vitamin B2

— vitamin B6

— vitamin B9

— vitamin B12

— vitamin C

— Biotin

— Bioflavonoids

— Vitamin E

— vitamin K

— Iron

— Calcium

— Magnesium

— Potassium

— Selenium

— Copper

— Zinc

— Prostaglandins

— Blood Lipids

— Serum Proteins 

Holy cow, right?

But if that isn’t enough to worry you, let’s take a minute to go through a few of those and what role they play. [I pulled all these facts from “The Pill” and “Sweetening The Pill”]

So, your B vitamins, folic acid, iron and magnesium are all vital for neurological and emotional health. 

When you have reduced vitamin B1 it can leave you feeling fatigued, weak, with insomnia, vague aches and pains, weight loss, depression, irritability, lack of initiative, constipation, oversensitivity to noise, loss of appetite or sugar cravings, and circulatory problems. And that’s only one vitamin.

When your vitamin B2 is lowered it can lead to gum and mouth infections, dizziness, depression, eye irritation, skin problems and dandruff. If you’ve ever listened to me talk about my experience you may have heard me mention how I got eight cavities in my first year on the pill. 

And the list goes on and on and on when it comes to hormonal birth control messing with your nutrients. If you’re still interested I urge you to go look up the roles these nutrients play in every aspect of your health and well-being, and then sit there and think about the fact that we’re screwing around with all of them. 

I heard it mentioned once that we view health as an outward appearance. “Oh, she looks really healthy.” But why are we trading that off for what’s going on inside of our body. It can only be a matter of time before this catches up with us. 

No matter how healthy and diligent you are with what you’re eating, it almost doesn’t matter because you aren unable to absorb it all when you’re on hormonal birth control. 

But food is a vital part of the process of healing when you make that decision to quit hormonal birth control. Remember that.  

Some Cold Weather Vegan Recipes

The weather is getting colder so I wanted to share some vegan recipes for the season. Enjoy!

Vegan Biscuits and Gravy

One thing that I find myself craving from my pre-vegan days is biscuits and gravy. And then found this recipe on The Southern Vegan. Yum. Obviously not an everyday breakfast recipe but gosh sometimes it’s nice to have some warm, comfort food. 

Buttermilk Biscuits

2 C flour

2 1/2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1/3 C vegan butter

3/4 C cold dairy free milk

1 tsp vinegar

— Preheat oven 450

— Mix milk + vinegar. Put to side to curdle. 

— Put dry ingredients into bowl, mix in vegan butter with a fork.

— add milk/vinegar mixture + quickly stir until dough forms

— make dough into ball + refrigerate for 20 - 30 minutes

— roll dough to 1/2” thick + cut into circles

— put on ungreased cookie sheet and bake for 10 - 12 minutes. 

Sausage Gravy

1/2 C flour

4 C non-dairy milk

4 vegan sausage patties or links

1/2 C oil

1 tsp salt

1 tsp pepper

— Saute vegan sausage, until cooked and browned, crumble into smaller pieces + set to the side

— add oil, flour and black pepper to pan + stir over low heat until brown and creamy (mine formed into an almost dough)

— slowly add milk, stir until creamy and thicker + add in sausage  crumbles

— serve hot over biscuits

Vegan Chili

There are so many great variations on this but I love recipes that use squash as well.

1 onion

1 bell pepper

1 large sweet potato

butternut squash

4 cloves garlic

1 can black beans

1 can of pinto beans

1 can diced tomatoes

2 1/2 C vegetable broth

chili powder

cumin

paprika

cayenne pepper

salt

(I don’t measure the last five ingredients, I just put some in and taste it as I go, usually adding more and more)

— cut up all the vegetables first

— put your large pot over medium heat, saute onion and bell pepper for 6-7 minutes.

— add sweet potato, squash, and seasonings, for 3 minutes

— add garlic for 1 minute

— add broth and tomatoes

— add rinsed beans

— bring to boil, then cover, lower heat, simmer for 25 minutes, stirring occasionally

— add more seasoning if you want

— scoop into bowl and add any toppings you want (avocado is delicious if it’s in season)

Vegan Cookies

My mom makes the most delicious chocolate chip cookies, and I stole her recipe and made it vegan. 

Preheat oven to 350, grease cookie sheet.

2 sticks vegan butter

3/4 C white sugar

3/4 C brown sugar

— cream these together with whisk

2 vegan flax “eggs” 

tsp baking soda

tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp vanilla

mix two T of flax seed with 3 T of hot water, set to side for a minute until it becomes an “egg like” consistency. then mix all of this with butter/sugar mixture. 

3 c flour

1/2 C (or more) dark chocolate chips

slowly mix in flour 1/2 a cup at time, then add chocolate chips. 

Bake for 12 - 14 minutes each depending on how gooey or firm you want your cookies. 

The Wonderful World of Menstrual Activism

Today I’m going to share some examples of some of my favorite lady-hero menstrual activists. 

And then we’ll talk about how an everyday gal can find menstrual activism that works for them.

Jen Lewis — takes these incredible photographs of her menstrual blood being dumped into water. If this makes you cringe go check out “Beauty in Blood” 

Rupi Kaur — a poet and artist who posted that famous Instagram photo of a woman who is laying on her side, facing away from the camera, showing menstrual blood that had leaked through her pants and onto her sheets. 

Kiran Gandhi — ran the London marathon with no tampon, pad or cup, and just allowed herself to free bleed because why not! 

Ingrid Berton-Moine — artist who created “Red is the Colour” which is portraits of women wearing their own menstrual blood. http://www.ingridberthonmoine.com/work

Chella Quint — has created some pretty awesome vines called Adventures in Menstruating, which she now has made into a show I’d love to attend. 

Rachel Kauder Nalebuff — wrote "My Little Red Book", which compiles story after story of first periods around the world from current to years ago. 

The Moon Inside You — Diana Fabianova had unsatisfactory periods for a long time and struggled with feeling positive about them. So she went on a journey and brought us along with her with The Mood Inside You.

Miki Agrawal — While they create awesome period underwear I think another awesome thing they have done is to help break through period taboos, making periods more mainstream in a positive light. Their advertisements go beyond tampon and pad commercials which still tell us to be quiet and discreet with our period products. 

Now you don’t have to wear a new shade of red, write a book or run a marathon bleeding. If you want to, go do it then already! That’d be amazing. But here are a few ways that you can take part in the movement. 

+ Start talking positively about your period since we’ve been so conditioned to only complain about it. 

+ Have a conversation with a friend about your period (remember, be positive).

+ Try a menstrual cup or sponge, challenge the way you feel about interacting with your menstrual blood.

+ Ask your mother about her first period.

+ if you have a daughter teach her about her period in a empowering way, instead of the shame and secrecy most of us were taught. 

+ Start charting your cycle, educate yourself about it.

+ Go to a local showing of Vagina Monologues, or another show that talks about vaginas, being female, periods or something along those lines. 

There is a giant, amazing spectrum of menstrual activism to get involved in. Which do you want to try out? What other ideas do you have to share? Because what a life changing thing it is to be period positive.  

How I Started Meditating Regularly

I’ve cracked the code!

Well, I’ve cracked my own personal code to making meditation a daily practice. It’s something I’ve wanted to do consistently for years now, but could never make it a habit. 

I just couldn’t get into it. And do you know why? 

I was approaching it all the wrong way. 

Last month I shared a story after I had meditated for 10 days in a row. But I knew I wanted to write about it more after I had done it consistently for a longer period of time, and share some thoughts on it. 

These are things that have helped me, and just a disclaimer — they may help you, but they may not. 

+ Don’t waste the time setting up the perfect “meditation” setting. I would spend fifteen minutes, setting up candles, incense, finding the perfect music playlist, cushions, blankets, etc. And as you can imagine, this became such the production that I didn’t want to take the time to do it. Meditation seemed like such a big task because I thought that was what it had to be. 

+ You don’t have to meditate for an hour. I’ve been doing ten minutes, you could choose only to do it for five. Then if you want to do twenty minutes, thirty minutes — go for it. But don’t think you have to do it for a big chunk of time. 

+ I thought I needed to sit in perfect silence, not a thought in my mind for the entire time, and that if I started thinking about stuff that I had failed. But what I’ve learned is to let the thoughts come in when they do, don’t judge them, just acknowledge that they came to the surface, and then let them float away. 

+ Meditating in the morning works better for me. If I try to do it before bed (I’ve done multiple times) I will fall asleep. I mean, it works really nicely to apply those techniques of breathing and such to your bedtime routine, but to actually get from meditation what I want (setting myself up for the day) I have to do it in the morning. 

+ I never thought  I would like a guided meditation. I thought it would be too distracting. But I discovered the app Headspace, and it has completely changed how I meditate. In fact it’s the only reason I’ve been able to do it consistently every day. This isn’t a sponsored post (I wish), but you can get the first 10 day pack for free. But after that I paid for the yearly subscription because I could see the benefits even after a few days. 

It has been an amazing addition to my morning routine. I love allowing myself enough time in the morning to write my morning pages, meditate, do a quick tidy, and make breakfast before starting in on my work for the day. 

I encourage you to give meditation a go if, like me, it’s something you’ve been wanting to try for awhile.  

Don't Be Scared into Taking Hormonal Birth Control

It’s almost a right of passage to get on hormonal birth control these days. 

Not to mention it’s touted as a fix all cure for females.

Do you suffer from acne, irregular cycles, cramping, heavy periods, a fear of pregnancy — easy, just take the pill!

It’s handed over without any real warning of the possible negative side effects. Or I know it was for me, back in 2009. 

Now, I’m not telling everyone to go and throw out there hormonal birth control. But if you are fed up with the negative side effects, looking for a natural alternative, or curious about what else is out there — there are non-hormonal options that no one really talks about. 

And if you have recently come off HBC, or are ready to, but now find yourself seconding guessing your decision because of all this news about how every woman in America should go out and get an IUD — screw that. 

I understand that this is coming from a place of concern for women’s reproductive rights starting in 2017, but I don’t think it’s fair women are being scared into something that might not be right for them.

Now, if you are a lady who is on hormonal birth control and has no desire to change that any time soon, then sure, go out and get that IUD. You do you, boo. 

But if you don’t fall into that category, listen here.

There is an incredible community of women across the country and around the world who are supporting one another through love, understanding and knowledge. 

I am part of that community, and if you’re reading this you’re also a part of that community. 

I am here to support you, to share everything I know with you so you can make the best decision for yourself.

My goal is informed choices. I think the choices should be available to every woman, but that the necessary information should also be available so women can make informed decisions. These two things need to go hand in hand. 

If you want to start (or keep) using FAM as your birth control method of choice, I am here to support you with that decision. It has been an empowering choice I have lived with for over three years.

And once I got past those first few weeks of initial fear and wondering if I had made the right decision quitting the pill, I have never looked back.

It is such a freeing thing to be in control of your own fertility, and to basically put your middle finger up to those trying to take away women’s rights.

This is the time to come together as a community, to support and love one another with the decision we want to make. 

If you find yourself in this position of being scared about your fertility options going forward I am here for you. 

I invite you to email me, head to my contact page to send me a message, or comment on this post, and I will do my best to keep up with your messages.

I may not have all the answers, but I promise I can help instill a bit more confidence in yourself. And love — I’ve got plenty of that for you. 

Abnormal Pap Smear | A Year Later

Last year was my first annual exam that I had had in three years. Yes, I know, that was bad of me, but for whatever reason I quit the pill and then just kind of forgot about them. 

But, last year I went in and had to get a pap smear along with my other exams because here in the U.S. you are supposed to get a pap smear every three years. 

Well, a week or so later I got a call from a very sweet lady letting me know that my pap smear had come back abnormal. 

Automatically, CANCER popped into my mind, but I calmed myself and asked her what that meant. Turns out finding abnormal cells on your cervix is more common than most people know. I was told that I would have to get a pap smear at my following two annual exams to keep an eye on my cervical cells, but that was about it. 

After getting off the phone with her I burst into tears because it was just a really weird, somewhat scary experience. But it wasn’t long after that I decided I needed to make a video to share that experience with others. 

I had made a vlog of my annual exam, and so I made a follow up video talking about the fact that my pap had came back abnormal. I got a lot of warm wishes and me too’s. 

And then I just sort of pushed it to the back of my mind because I had a whole year to kill that I really didn’t want to spend worrying about it. 

October rolled around and somewhere in there I started thinking about my upcoming exam (in November) and worrying about it. 

I made another little vlog this month to share my emotions and thoughts going into and coming out of the appointment. I was basically told that if there was something I would get another phone call in 7-10 days, if it was something that needed to be addressed quickly I would probably get a call in 3-4 days. Well, today marks two weeks since my appointment, and I was told that no news was good news. I still haven’t called in to confirm that my pap came back normal this year, but I’m feeling very relieved. 

It was a scary experience, but it has been a worthwhile one at the same time. And through sharing it online I was able to help calm other ladies going through the same thing, as well as be calmed by other women. 

Just another example of why it is important to share your stories ladies! 

Period Products Aren't "Sexual"

Nor are they a "luxury" but that's another blog post waiting to be written.

Now, I’m not sure if this is still a thing that people believe, but I had a comment awhile ago about how a girl lived with her grandma, and because the grandma believed tampons would interfere with her granddaughter’s virginity she didn’t want to buy them for her. But thankfully, she was able to find a pamphlet to show her grandma. 

I remember before I got my period listening to a friend talk about tampons in a “sexual” way, and it really weirded me out and din’t make sense to me. I was still very naive, but I just had this feeling that she was making it up. 

And of course she was. I have never since heard someone describe a menstrual product as feeling "nice" in that way (if you catch my drift). 

And if you’ve ever used a tampon, cup or sponge, you know there’s nothing sexual about all of these things. Yeah, they can feel more "comfortable" if you go from pads to tampons or cups. But not sexually "nice" in that way. Quite the opposite I think. 

Back when tampons first went on the market, religious parents were concerned that they would cause their daughter to think sinful thoughts. Kind of makes you want to laugh and hit your head on the table at the same time doesn’t it? 

We know that’s not true, but let’s move on to this very confusing idea of virginity, and how it relates to menstrual products. I'm only going to dip my toes into the topic today.

I remember when I was in high school discussing this idea of virginity with my friends, and what we thought “counted” and didn’t. Which is pretty silly looking back. 

The “concern” with period products and virginity is that using a tampon or cup could “pop your cherry” or break/tear you hymen. Or I remember the myth that more sexually active girls had to use "super" or "super plus" tampons. Which if know how a vagina works, know that's false. 

Here's a funny video that explains the hymen. 

Now, there are different “types” of hymens.

A normal (which is the most common) hymen stretches around the outside of the vaginal opening in one way or another, leaving most of the opening clear. Then there are imperforate, microperforate, and septate hymens which all stretch across the vaginal opening in one way or another, which can get in the way of not only tampons and cups, but block the release of menstrual blood, which isn't good. 

Now, don’t let this freak you out when it comes to trying a cup or tampon. There is a learning curve when it comes to using these period products. 

But I’ve made a few videos about these. One about tampons tips, another about tampon tips, and one about cup tips (my menstrual product of choice). 

But if you don't want to take the time to go watch those videos (you should) my biggest pieces of advice are:

+ get a hand mirror and check out what’s going on down there because it’s impossible to put a tampon/cup in a place you have no idea where it is.

+ don’t try to put in or take out a dry tampon, which can be tricky, but swirl the tampon/cup around the opening of your vagina before inserting because it will pick up some fluid that will act as a glorious lubricant and relieve you of some awful feeling friction.

+ stay calm, nothing is going anywhere if you’re clenching your muscles.

+ and finally, no, your vagina is not a black hole that things can get lost in (your cervix stops that from happening).  

And, just remember this, tampons and cups have nothing to do with your sexuality or virginity. They are just part of life as a lady.  

I Didn't Bleed On My Bed This Month + Other Small Victories

I write a lot about periods. Some say I share a few too many details about my period. Like last month, when I shared a story of how I bled through a few pairs of pants, yet still keep a positive attitude about my period. 

I've bled through underwear, multiple pairs of pants, onto my bedding, through my bedding and into the mattress, on chairs, but I still love my period. 

I'm a bit of a freak, I know 

But you’ll be happy to know that I at least didn’t bleed onto my bed this past month. 

However, I think I did still make my way through three pair of pants (at different times throughout the day), and one high top chair (thankfully the chair was black wood, and easily wiped off). 

But do you know what I did accomplish this past cycle? I did a great job of listening to my body, that's what. 

I stopped allowing myself regular naps after I graduated from college, but I always find myself really craving a nap here or there during my period. 

And this past period I let myself take at least one nap. I mean, it was only 15 minutes, but that was a big thing for me. 

Something about stopping what I’m doing in the middle of the day to allow myself to lay down makes me feel guilty. 

Over the past few years, as I’ve learned about my body I’ve learned you HAVE to let yourself slow down during your period. It makes it SO MUCH BETTER. When you listen and just do what your body is telling you through each phase period life is so much easier, and much more pleasant.

This combined with getting off the pill, changing my diet and switching to reusable menstrual products has not only changed my actual period, but has changed how I feel about it. 

I highly recommend trying this out. 

And then when you do bleed through your favorite pair of jeans or onto your white sheets, you aren’t angry and hateful towards your period. You’re forgiving and understanding. 

What are you tricks when it comes to getting along with your period? 

Can You Chart Your Cycle While on Hormonal Birth Control?

Towards the end of your journey with hormonal birth control you may be wondering, can I start charting while still on it, while I learn the in’s and out’s of FAM. Here’s my answer for you — Yes, and No. 

Boo. I know. What a boring answer, but stick with me.

Here's why you “can’t” chart your cycle while still on hormonal birth control: 

+ your chart isn’t going to look right...

+ most forms of hormonal birth control keep you from ovulating so there won’t be that spike in temperature

+ because your body is being tricked into essentially thinking it’s pregnant you probably won’t notice a big change in your cervical fluid while you’re on it.

But, in better news, Yes! Start charting your cycle as you end your relationship with hormonal birth control:

+ practice taking your temperature, checking your fluid and marking it on your chart

+ get in the habit of doing this. Every. Single. Day.

+ educate yourself before taking the leap

+ if you have a partner, get them on board

+ find a supportive group, even if that’s online (#femmehead)

+ and finally get excited to have a menstrual cycle again, and a real period

So, while you can’t technically chart your cycle because you won’t have those changes in fertility signs, you can darn well start practicing and get comfy in your new lifestyle change.  And if you're even more curious about this transition — keep your eye open for my new course, all about coming off  hormonal birth control, which I'm looking to debut in early 2017.   

15 Ways to Practice Mindfulness Everyday

Mindfulness

(noun)

1. the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.

2. a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.

Mindfulness has been continuously bouncing around my head lately. It keeps coming back, keeps bubbling to the surface.

Mindfulness. Mindfulness. Mindfulness

So, I've decided to look into it, and today I wanted to share some quick ways to practice it on a daily basis. 

15 Ways to Practice Mindfulness Everyday

+ focus on the task at hand — no multitasking

+ observe your thoughts and feelings — without judgment or trying to brush them off

+ meditate — whether that’s 10 minutes a day, or taking 5 minutes here and there throughout the day to close your eyes and just breathe

+ walk outside — close your eyes and listen to the sounds around you, feel the sun on your skin.

+ notice when your mind is in the past or future — bring it back to the present

+ understand that things come and go — experiences, money, relationships, opportunities, etc. 

+ make every day things into mindful moments — making your bed, cooking, getting ready for work

+ be curious — question the world around you, and don't be afraid to seek answers

+ stop and enjoy your food — notice the smell, texture, different tastes

+ laugh — at yourself and the world around you

+ nourish your body — what you put on and in your body matters

+ set a curfew — turn off the phone, computer, tv and go to bed

+ find daily gratitudes — share these over dinner, write them down and tuck them into a jar, or keep them on a page in your journal

+ set an intention/goal for the day — what’s the one thing you want to accomplish?

+ clean as you go —  don’t let it pile up

My number one goal of this is to do a better job at remaining in the present moment. What's yours? 

I Can't Imagine Giving Up My Period

There is a lot of talk about getting rid of your period, whether that’s taking a certain form of birth control or skipping the placebo/“fake period" week of the form you are taking.

And I get why there are so many women out there that want to make it go away. But today I wanted to share why I can’t imagine giving up my period, and not having it anymore. 

You see, I used to hate my period just as much as the next girl. 

Before I had it, I wanted it to come. I begged it to come, worrying that I was some infertile freak who was different from her friends. 

But it wasn’t long after I finally got it (hooray!) that I was quickly sucked into the culture of hating it, complaining about it, and thinking it was oh so unfair that I had to deal with this thing every month and boys didn’t. 

It wasn’t until I quit the pill, started learning about, and practicing FAM, and finally got my real cycle back that I started to, dare I say, fall in love with my period. 

So, here are 10 reasons why I can’t imagine giving it up:

+ My period is such a good indicator of my health — mental and physical. Seriously, your period and menstrual cycle is like a canary in a goldmine. 

+ My period reminds me to take some time each month to slow down and reflect, which is much needed in today's culture of go go go.

+ It connects me to the greater female population. As soon as I say I’m in the business of talking about periods, women will shuffle up to me to ask about anything from menstrual cups to sharing their birth control experience. 

+ I wouldn’t get to try out fun period products. Cups, sponges, reusable pads, period underwear, fertility computers. Whoosh, out the window! No more of those. 

+ My cycle gives me a boost of motivation, energy and "social-ness” around ovulation. Seriously, I feel like a superhero that can take on the world. 

+ I wouldn’t be as creative or as inspired. I know because I used to be there. It was called college, and there I was scraping along doing just above the bare minimum, lost in a world of wondering what to do with my life. 

+ FemmeHead, which is a huge part of my life, wouldn’t be a thing. What would I do with my days?!

+ I wouldn’t have been able to heal my body image issues if I hadn’t gotten my real period back. Because I didn't let myself realize I had them in the first place. 

+ There would be no more mittelschmerz! One of my favorite words, and how excited I imagine pregnant women feel with their baby kicks (probably not quite that excited, but I do get a real rush of “cool!” when it happens). 

+ I feel bad for guys because they don’t get to experience the different phases of a cycle, and they can’t grow a tiny human from scratch inside of them. And without my period and my cycle, I wouldn’t get to either. 

In the end, we all have our reasons for loving or hating our periods. But today I challenge you to start taking a different perspective on your cycle. Especially if you’ve been brought up in a culture, like me, where there is so much embarrassment and anger surrounding our periods. 

I Meditated For 10 Days In A Row + What I Realized

One of my first days back from France, I was home alone working away on FemmeHead. I had cooped myself up all day so I decided to go outside on my long board since it was such a nice day out (and we’re creeping ever closer to the awful months of winter). 

It was a nice ride, but I remember coming back with this real sense of anxiety and stress in my chest, and I just remember thinking "I need to meditate". 

I had heard of an app called Headspace (no this is not a sponsored post, I wish). I decided to download it and give it a go. 

Ten minutes, I thought. I can do this.

I felt light years better afterwords. The anxiety had lifted from my chest and and felt a renewed sense of calm. So, I challenged myself to do the 10 free days of meditation in a row. 

I mean, honestly, who doesn’t have ten minutes out of their day to spare?

So, I began fitting it into my morning routine. 

+ wake up

+ write my morning pages

+ tidy for 15 - 30 minutes

+ meditate for 10

+ make a coffee/tea

+ make my to-do list

+ get started on work

On the morning of the tenth day I was sitting at my computer writing my Monday email for FemmeHead, and I could feel myself being pulled towards the red chair, pulled towards those ten minutes of calm.

Before these ten days I would meditate sporadically, never consistently. I thought I had to set up this sacred space (candles, intense, calm music, cushions, blankets and darkness) before I could begin meditating. And I thought I needed to do it for a long period of time.

As you can probably guess, because of this meditation always seemed like such a time consuming hassle that I rarely did it, which is a shame. 

What I’ve learned from these ten days is that I don’t need a sacred, pristine space. I can simply just sit down in the chair or lie down on the couch. 

There are no rules, I let my preconceived notions of meditation float out the window. 

It counts even if it’s just ten minutes, hell, even just one minute. 

I never thought I would like guided meditations. I thought I just had to sit there and keep my mind blank for 20 - 30 minutes, and that would work for me. 

At the end of my tenth meditation I went online and subscribed to a year long subscription, realizing that having someone guide me along is what I need at this point in my life, and there’s nothing wrong with that. 

I was having a rough day last week, and I found the calm I needed in that moment, in my breath. Yes, in simply just counting my breaths, 1 through 10 and starting over at 1 when I had reached 10. 

For at least a year now I’ve been drawn towards meditation, just knowing that it was something that would be really, really good for me. But I could never stick with it. Thankfully, I’ve found my solution for now. 

And my biggest take away — there is no right or wrong way to meditate. Let go of your preconceived notions of what it is supposed to do and find what works for you.  

Why I Could Get Down With a Modern Day Red Tent

It was probably a year ago that I read The Red Tent, and if you haven’t read this book, just go do it already. In fact, I kind of want to reread it. 

If you go searching for information about menstrual huts you often find stories about oppressive cultures and their traditions, but I like to look towards Native American moon lodges for inspiration. 

There is this incredible respect for menstruating women in most Native American cultures, and amazing respect for women in general. 

Some believe that women are purifying themselves during this time, not dirty and impure as many believe, and that women are the embodiment of a holy person during their period.

Women are believed to be more spiritually powerful and in tune during their period, and often consulted by others for advice.

Moon time is a time for women to come together in these special lodges, a time to be able to let go of their responsibilities, to come together with other bleeding women, share stories, gossip and give advice, to support one another, and to rest.

There is a legend I have seen a few times about why women menstruate. 

A long time ago, women were considered powerful in that they held in a lot of their family emotions, their joy and happiness but also their sadness and sorrow. They were the life-force of the family. However, sometimes that would become exhausting. 

So one day, the woman went to nature to try to find help and yelled out because the burden was too much. A Raven heard her and went to see her, asking her why she was crying. The woman stated she was overwhelmed with the burdens of her family. She loved her family but no longer could take everything in anymore. Raven said that he understood her pain and went to ask Grandmother Ocean for help. Grandmother Ocean offered to wash away the pain of the women who would come to her but that she could not help those farther away. So she went to ask for help from her sister, Grandmother Moon.

So Grandmother Moon said that she represented the feminine power and would send the waters of Grandmother Ocean into the women so her power would reach them. Once every moon cycle, Grandmother Ocean shall come into the women and purify them. And she did just that. Every month, there is thus a time when the women embody the power of Grandmother Moon and are cleansed by the waters of Grandmother Ocean.

Imagine being able to step away from life’s responsibilities for even a day to give your body, mind and soul what it needs?

There’s nothing I like more than getting together with other women and talking about menstrual related things, so a red tent is basically my dream scenario. 

Would you ever go to a red tent? Or have you ever? 

No Eat Out November

Yesterday marked the beginning of the third annual No-Eat-Out November.

It’s a concept I came up with as a fun way to challenge Michael and I to reset our habits on eating out vs. making meals at home, which is a great way to save some money. 

November works well for us because we normally go on our big trip sometime during October. When we get back we’re always in the mood to sharpen up on our money saving skills. 

For whatever reason this month long challenge seems to work better than just saying to one another “oh, we should try and do a better job of eating at home” (we’ll say this every now and then throughout the year if we’ve fallen into an eating out rut). 

And while we technically spend time together if we go out to eat, it’s not like the date nights you see in the movie. Going out to eat loses it’s luster if you do it pretty often. 

Now, eating at home on the other hand can be pretty exciting if done with a little bit of planning. If you know you’re going to be doing it, you can take the time to plan out more exciting meals than normal. 

We can all admit that we are guilty of getting stuck in meal ruts, eating the same thing day after day. And sometimes it just takes a little challenge to spice up dinnertime. 

It was during this challenge two years ago that we first made Polish periogi, and were shocked to realize how easy it was. It’s a great time to try out different soup recipes and make big batches to eat over the course of a few days. 

We did our grocery shopping for the week quickly last night, trying to get fresh fruits and vegetables as well as a few ingredients we could combine with things we already have at home. 

But starting next week I will take the time to take stock of what we still have in the fridge and cupboards, and plan out a few new meals for the week before doing my grocery shopping. 

So, if you’ve been looking for a little financial challenge, join me this year for No-Eat-Out November.